Toby DeHay

To Listen is to Do: Practical implications of the word “hear” (שׁמע) in the Shema (Pt 2)

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In the previous post I wrote about the first three principles I learned:

Recognize My Need to Love Jesus
Intentionality-Being Purposeful in My Pursuit of Jesus
Hunger-To Pursue Him

Here are the remaining principles:

4. Practice Spiritual Disciplines

I alluded to this in the previous post but found comfort in a renewed focus on the disciplines and how others practiced. Personally, the Lord gave me a new hunger for His Word, prayer, and learning to listen to His voice. After reading RT Kendall and listening to Craig Keener’s story, I began reading large chunks of scripture daily. The Lord was waking me up as early as 3:30 am and I began taking 2-3 hours to read, pray, and listen to the Lord before I began my day. After 20+ years of ministry, I experienced a deep hunger for Him that resulted in a love for the basic disciplines believers have known for centuries.

It would be dishonest to say I didn’t love His Word, pray, or listen to the Lord before this experience. I loved reading the Bible and spent time in it daily. I prayed daily but rarely listened to the Lord. In His goodness, He would make things plain to Christy and me, but it wasn’t due to our diligent listening and seeking the Lord.

Rather than looking for a quick answer to my pressing questions, the Lord allowed me to rekindle my love for Him as I read the Bible. At the time, I was reading the New Testament once a month. This equaled about 10 chapters a day. I began to hear His voice as I prayed with a small group of guys on a 5 am Zoom call once a week. Often I would pause my work, close my eyes, and pray. I felt a closeness I’d never experienced. Psalm 61:1 says it so wonderfully:

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer
Psalm 61:1

While this Psalm is a lament, the writer expresses how God protected His people in the past, shows God hears our prayer, asks Him to prolong his life and his line, and tells how He will be praised. (Barry, John D., Douglas Mangum, Derek R. Brown, Michael S. Heiser, Miles Custis, Elliot Ritzema, Matthew M. Whitehead, Michael R. Grigoni, and David Bomar. Faithlife Study Bible. Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2012, 2016.)

Practicing these spiritual disciplines enabled me to slow down and learn to hear the Lord in His timing and way. They helped me build confidence as I learned to hear His voice. There would be several times when this proved incredibly helpful as we began to step out in faith to follow His leading to Oklahoma City.

As the days turned into months, I learned how the daily, habitual practice of spiritual disciplines helped clarify my questions to the Lord. I began to more clearly see how He worked through a process rather than a single event (not that He doesn’t).

Since moving to OKC, I’ve encouraged several people waiting to hear from the Lord. To a person, their intake of Bible reading, prayer time, listening, and other spiritual disciplines has increased dramatically. Each person, while struggling through the wait, has grown spiritually and is encouraging others to do the same.

5. Praying for the Supernatural

This was new to me/us. Sort of. Looking back, I’ve always believed God can do and does things things that are hard to explain. Before our experience with the gifts, I heard God’s internal audible voice, we’ve seen Him provide for us monetarily in unexplainable ways, and we’ve seen Him answer specific prayers in miraculous ways. Somehow these were seen in a different light; as if they should certainly be prayed for and expected, but not really. (Only in times of emergency, special circumstances, or tradition-approved methods.)

As I listened to the Lord, I began becoming more open to prophetic words from believers, asking God for and paying attention to dreams, and trusting God to show us things that only He could do.

As we began to “earnestly desire” and “test” the prophetic words we gratefully received from others, we not only learned about a gift that was foreign to us, we began to see the heart behind this gift was love.

I remember one brother sharing with us that God would be moving us from Ky to Oklahoma. Before our meeting, he had written down what he thought was the town to which we would move and shared it with us. He was so kind and loving toward us, but his specific word was wrong. In the Lord’s kindness, He allowed us to diligently search for Him and test this word by visiting the town. Our spirits agreed that this town was not the place we were to land despite how everything made sense on paper.

In learning to listen through a prophetic word we got to practice how to biblically test a prophecy while not casting the gift or the love the brother had for us to the side. We learned to carefully ask prophetically gifted people to pray for us and share anything the Lord may be impressing on them. The most encouraging prophetic word came from a brother who had no idea who we were. It felt like he read Christy and I like a book!

6. Pay Attention to Circumstances

Christy and I saw the Lord working through circumstances with our church family and my work. We transitioned from one church to another in Kentucky and were having difficulty finding a body of believers who were open to biblically practicing spiritual gifts. While the church we were members of was active, we didn’t feel like we fit in. I believe this was not their fault. This church loved the Lord, had a strong preaching, music, and outreach ministry, and loved us from day one.

The Lord used our church experience in tandem with the above to provide more evidence that He was doing a major work in our lives.

At the same time, I knew my time with the convention was going to be coming to an end. I had been working through some difficult issues at work while at the same time realizing that I couldn’t openly share our desire to grow in the gifts with most of my coworkers or churches I served.

I’m incredibly grateful for my time with the convention, my coworkers, and church leaders, but we felt the Lord was even using this as a confirmation that He was preparing us for the next thing.

7. Move Forward with Next Steps

As Christy and I listened to the Lord for almost two years before moving, we learned the importance of taking the next step. As we stepped out, we learned that some of our actions were not what the Lord wanted and He either kindly stopped us, or let us keep moving forward for a time to learn from Him. His correction was always gracious and kind.

We learned that when we step out in faith and our actions are bathed in prayer and trust the Lord will guide us. He was teaching us the importance of the process. The process of learning to listen in a way where we could recognize His voice and discern whether we needed to wait or act was coming through patience and practice.

As we got closer to moving, our next steps looked much like a checklist. Each time got ready to check off the next box, we had to learn a lesson of faith and trust that was new to us. We learned to cry out to Him in desperation at times. We learned to trust each other’s ability to hear from the Lord when one of us was not sure. We learned that stepping out in faith isn’t all that comfortable.

For us, the next steps throughout this process were often big ones. They included when to put the house up for sale, in whom to confide about our situation and when to do it, which home in OKC we bid on and which ones to pass up, and what to do about my job search once we arrived. These drove us to pray again and again. We got better with patience and a little better at trusting the Lord’s timing.

To Listen is to Do: Practical implications of the word “hear” (שׁמע) in the Shema (Pt 1)

4“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.⁵You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Emphasis mine)
Deut. 6:4-9

What is the Shema? Bible Project Resource

In late 2021 the Lord began working on our hearts to learn more about Him; particularly the gifts of the Spirit. In 2022 we began reading more books, listening to podcasts, and even took a discipleship course together on Saturdays for several months.

Christy was several years ahead of me in learning about the gifts, but I began asking God what it would look like to have a hunger and desire for Him that I’d never experienced. His answer to my prayer seemed to be “Listen to me.”

While I thought I knew what that looked like, I had much to learn. As I prayed, read the Bible, talked to others, stepped out in faith, and did all the Christian things, I learned that listening to the Lord needed to include time and patience. Below is a short list (two-part blog post) of what I’ve learned from listening to the Lord on this journey. The Shema has been an intricate part of my journey. Loving the Lord with all my heart has been challenging, repentance-producing, and is continuing to help me grow as a follower of His.

I hope learning from us is encouraging to you! If we can clarify anything, or our story resonates with you, please connect with me through my site. I’d love to chat virtually and encourage you as you listen to Him too!

1. Recognize My Need

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”
Deut. 6:5

I started with my need to love Him. To follow Him more closely. To grow, not as a leader, but as a follower. We fall into routine and forget that God wants us to have a deep relationship with Him. It’s through the Son’s sacrifice we can have it and the Spirit’s indwelling in us gives us the ability to see this need and act on it.

The above is why men like RT Kendall and Craig Keener were so helpful to me last year. Their hunger for more of the Lord showed me that others feel this way too. These brothers also helped me think through the implications of what needed to change in my life and how I could practically begin to put spiritual hands and feet into this growing hunger for the Lord.

2. Intentionality-Being purposeful in my pursuit of Jesus

“Hear this, O foolish and senseless people,

who have eyes, but see not,

who have ears, but hear not.
Jeremiah 5:21

The context of this passage implies effort and action. I picture a mom or an early elementary teacher bending down to look their child/student in the eyes and saying, “I’m going to need you to look at me and repeat what I’m saying to you.”

⁷You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deut. 6:7-9

Deut. 6:7-9 provides evidence of action. We are to teach, talk, bind, and write. Being intentional means doing something! For me, it means making a plan and then following it! Doing so shows Christian maturity, growth as a disciple, and not simply taking in biblical meat, but devouring it in a way that nourishes the believer to provide strength, encouragement, repentance, and growth.

Dave Ramsey fans know this saying all too well:

“Adults devise a plan and follow it, children do what feels good.”
Dave Ramsey

My pursuit was to listen while recognizing my need, but needed to include action. I began to investigate scripture with a heart to hear what the Spirit says in the Bible and to learn how to listen to what He says to my heart through the Spirit. I read scripture (1 Cor. and Romans 12) with a “what if this is true” attitude. This led to me thinking, “If this is true, what do I need to do or change about my walk with the Lord?”

This is the part that frightened me. What are the implications of listening and obeying? In what ways is the Lord going to change me? What habits, teachings, attitudes, and thoughts need to be broken? What new biblical principles need to be put in their place? And more selfishly, what will people think of me? How many friends am I going to lose? I had a good friend tease me, “You’ve gone Pennycostal!”

Intentionality is a dangerous commitment. It does come with strings. The strings of obedience and repentance aren’t simply abstract Christian words, but demand action. Looking back on my walk with the Lord, I remember many times when I recognized my need to do something but stopped when I knew the next step was being intentional toward obedience and pursuing that which the Lord was calling me into or toward.

What’s funny is that we expect the same from others and God. Nobody believes they are heard when the one supposed to be doing the hearing takes zero action. Sometimes the action required is difficult and takes many steps and time to complete. Other times the action is simply listening and offering a kind word, a smile, and a hug.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;

be gracious to me and answer me!
Psalm 27:7

3. Hunger

I learned that once I recognized my need and began to intentionally pursue the Lord He gave me a hunger to pursue Him. One problem we have as imperfect people is that often our sin gets in the way of our pursuit of the Lord. The Shema is the perfect prescription to counter the effects of our sin. We are to:

love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (5)
Remember that the words of the Lord are written on your heart (even more so since New Testament believers have the very Spirit of God living inside them!). (6)
Teach God’s Word to our children and talk of it as we come and go. (7)
Keep His Word before us night and day (bind them as a sign on your hand and as frontlets before your eyes). (8)
Dedicate our homes to the Lord not in a ritual-like manner, but in a manner of instruction, correction, and encouragement. (9)

This desire, or hunger to hear from God is often squashed as believers mistakenly think they need to be in the “very center” of God’s will to hear from Him correctly. They might believe an equal amount of Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance will provide the sacrifice that sends up a pleasing aroma to God that forces His hand to reveal His perfect and specific will for an individual.

This hunger is nothing more than a deep desire to know and be known by the very God who provides life, sustains us throughout our mountain highs and valley lows, and provides the grace needed as we traverse deep spiritual hurt and depression that may last years.

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
Psalm 42:1

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1

My soul yearns for you in the night; my spirit within me earnestly seeks you. For when your judgments are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world learn righteousness.
Isaiah 26:9

…continue reading in post #2.

Men’s Breakfast questions

Boundaries: Too Many “Yeses,” or Too Many “No’s”

A man without self-control

is like a city broken into and left without walls.
Proverbs 25:28

In May of 2013, our family moved to Kentucky to pastor a rural church in need of revitalization. As we settled into a new rhythm of life, I quickly began to learn about the need to set boundaries between ministry “work” and home/family life.

These two areas are often blurred for those serving in ministry, whether it be in a fully funded or volunteer role. Ask any Christian leader and they will tell you they really enjoy their ministry. For many, their ministry is a calling. They really enjoy using the gifts that God provided them for His glory among His people.

As our family found our new rhythm, I began to take on more one-on-one discipling appointments, shared the gospel in our community with others, got involved in a local food ministry, and began collaborating with other leaders throughout the state. At the same time, our oldest was becoming more and more active in extra-curricular activities at her high school and I began doctoral studies.

I learned that there are limits to the number of “yeses” one can hand out. Too many “yeses” can lead to burnout. Too many “no’s” can lead to apathy, isolation, or laziness.

Too Many “Yeses”
Currently, I’m trying to do better at catching this on the front end. I can meet X many people per week, prepare ahead of time for Y many meetings, and give up Z many hours of family time before a problem begins to surface. Understanding my boundaries and generally sticking to them saves me from handing out too many “yeses,” which drives me toward spiritual and physical unhealthiness. Too many “yeses” make me uncreative, less thoughtful of others, spiritually dry, and tired.

Things to think about:

What are your personal/family/work limitations?
How do you recharge? Are you naturally an introvert, an extrovert, or a mix like me (60/40)?
Are you taking into account the rhythms of your various calendars (Winter/spring/summer/fall, family, church, work, etc)?
Do you have kids at home, are you single, an empty-nester, or other?
What time of day do you do your best work? I tend to be more productive from 6a-11a than in the afternoon/evening. Most of my heavy-thinking and production-related tasks are best done in the morning. This also means I can’t start work at 6a and keep going strong every day until 9p.

Too Many “No’s”
I don’t struggle on this end of the boundary spectrum. Some do and I know some people who would place themselves in this category. They are often hard to get in touch with as their phone boundaries are rigid and often unreasonable. They may verbalize their availability to you, but what you hear is the opposite. Their spiritual giftedness is apparent, but they are not the ones who are quick to lead or even show up at a gathering where they can encourage/equip others in their faith. Their habitual “no’s” often come from a place of burn-out, past or present family issues, or other issues. Too many “no’s” may indicate that a person needs counseling and integration into a healthy community of believers.

Things to think about:

Do you find yourself using the settings on your phone to stop calls/texts/notifications to isolate yourself from others?
Do you find yourself talking about making boundaries enough that it causes people to assume you are much more busy than you actually are?
Do you go weeks/months without meeting with other believers outside of a Sunday gathering?

Resources:

Cloud, Henry, and John Sims Townsend. Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017.

How Psalm 1 Helped Me Embrace Limits

Are Your Relational Problems Inherited?

Limitless Grace for Limited Leaders

A Healthy Leader is Godly When Adversity Comes

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Several years ago adversity came my way from a fellow believer. It would be nice to say, “I took the high road and honored the Lord with my actions.” I did neither. I took the low road and damaged my relationship with this person AND dishonored the Lord with my actions.

I’ll never forget the feeling I had once I realized how my words and actions hurt this person. Yes, they were being adversarial, but I did not handle it in a godly manner. To this day, it’s the number one embarrassing thing I’ve done.

While I don’t want to experience a repeat of my stupidity, I look back with a thankful attitude of learning, forgiveness, and a stinging reminder that honoring the Lord through adversity is a necessity! Think about a time that you NEVER want to repeat, but are glad (sort of) that it happened. This was it for me.

⁵³But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. ⁵⁴And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” ⁵⁵But he turned and rebuked them. ⁵⁶And they went on to another village.
Luke 9:53-56

In Luke 9, Jesus’ disciples responded to adversity by asking the Lord if they could call down fire from heaven and consume those who did not receive Him. We’d all like to think we are better than that, but let’s be honest, we simply aren’t.

Jesus simply rebuked His disciples and moved on to another village. He knew the hearts of the Samaritans in that village were hard. He also knew His disciples needed to know this type of behavior was not acceptable.

A healthy leader has probably done the same thing as me at one time or another. The difference between a healthy leader and an unhealthy one is that the healthy one has repented, made it right with the one offended (if possible), and has learned from his/her mistake. I’ve eaten plenty of humble pie, but this slice was especially large!

In my case, adversity humbled me and showed me why I needed to deal with the situation in a biblical manner and not a worldly/impassioned/impulsive one. I talked with the person I offended, repented of my sin (and even called together a group of leaders in the church and let them know what I’d done and let them know how I repented and was working to move forward), and although we won’t be dining together, we can say hello and hope the best for one another.

Reflecting on adversarial people, I learned that some:

aren’t happy no matter what you do. They simply don’t like you. These could be described as antagonists. This person needs prayer, a loving smile, and some encouragement. We don’t have to invite everyone over for coffee or dinner, but we can be kind and loving toward them.
had a really bad day (or several days/weeks/months) and need some grace. Offer some prayer or quietly leave the conversation/area and later you can let them know you care.
are struggling with addiction. We had someone upset with us this last year. It turns out they were trying to kick an addiction and didn’t handle the situation very gracefully. They apologized and made it right.
have an unhealthy bend toward controversy/conversational aggression. If you haven’t experienced this person, you will! While talking with them you will feel like you are being attacked, provoked, baited, or many other unhealthy feelings. In extreme cases I’ve simply thanked them for the conversation and exited abruptly. Most of the time it’s polite to say something like, “hey, this sounds like something you are very passionate about. I don’t know much about this topic. Can we chat again when I’ve learned some more?” Or, “can we take this issue to the Lord right now?” After you’ve prayed for the issue and the person, feel free to move on to another physical location or change the subject.
are naturally sarcastic and don’t know that they just hurt you or are being adversarial. What we label as hurt might be called joking, being silly, or teasing by the one who hurt you. Sometimes teasing goes too far and it becomes hurtful or it never was teasing, it was a way for them be hurtful and then blame you for the pain you feel.

Healthy leaders know adversity is coming. Dealing with it with scripture in view and time in prayer is a must!

¹⁵“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Matt 18:15

A Healthy Leader Exhibits Servant Leadership

If you do a quick Google search, or even better, search Amazon, you will see a myriad of material written about servant leadership. Licioni, Maxwell, Covey, Collins, etc. I suppose you could read a book a week on servant leadership for several years and still not exhaust the written material available on the subject. As I read through Luke, Jesus says the following:

Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is the one who is great.”
Luke 9:48

Jesus uses the phrase “gentle and lowly” in Matt. 11:29

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matt. 11:29

These indicate an attitude of servanthood. You before me. How can I serve rather than be served?

Some lead with a heavy hand thinking people will respect their “strong” leadership. I know a guy who said, “It’s my job to make sure the right people are in the right seats on the bus. Since I’m driving the bus, they can listen, or get off the bus!” He may not have realized his comments and attitude were keeping healthy believers off his bus. HeavyHand needed to be in charge.

Some think they are leading well, yet micro-manage every decision being made. The believer being led feels like everything they do is wrong and the only one who can make the correct decision is the micro-manager. MicroManager’s needed to make all the decisions.

Some provide management, but no leadership. Everything is reactionary. Frustration sets in on both sides, one gets burnt on following a manager (being managed) and the other gets burnt on managing. Manager’s needed to feel needed at every turn.

It’s all very self-centered. Jesus’ words to his disciples in Luke 9 had to have been a shock. Here they are, arguing about who is greatest among them and Jesus takes a nearby child, sets him/her before them and says, “whoever receives this child in my name receives me…he who is least among you all is the one who is great.”

Servant leadership is leading with the least of these in mind. This leadership helps the “least of these” not only see their value before the Lord but places them in a position to do well and flourish.

Servant Leadership brags on others. It includes the introvert in conversation and allows the uber-extrovert space to go overboard from time to time. It shows grace when undeserved, kindness rather than the snarky comment and brings a brother or sister alongside to watch and learn rather than expecting them to understand on their own.

A servant leader plants today for future growth tomorrow. The servant leader sees a glimmer of potential in another believer, not because of what you can see on the outside, but from how you know God loves to give His children good gifts and that His gifts transform His children into what He wants when He wants.

Servant leaders place others above themselves and help others as they mature in their faith; providing them time and practice to grow.

The servant leader is neither heavy-handed, nor a micro-manager, nor a manager. He/she is a servant. They fall at the feet of Jesus and ask Him how to love and disciple the high achiever, the anxious friend, or the chronically late friend.

Servant leadership takes into account the fact that each person is designed as a unique image bearer of God. Those who are believers have gifts that have been given to them for use in the body. Those who are not believers (and believers too!) have natural talents and some they have honed from years of practice and skill. Healthy leaders recognize God made people in a variety of ways. They desire to serve and not be served. They think of others first. They are desire to be “gentle and lowly.” Healthy leaders are Christ-like.

A Healthy Leader is Patient and Consistent

During a morning devotion last week, I was reading Luke 8-10. In Luke 8:15, Jesus says,

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.
Luke 8:15 (See also Matthew 13 and Mark 4)

I stopped when I read, bear fruit with patience. The 30, 60, and 100 from Matthew and Mark are what usually come to mind. When we sow (or are faithful as believers), we should be seeing fruit, but what about seeing it with patience?

Healthy leaders are both patient AND consistent. The seed sower spread the gospel seed liberally. Some fell on the path, some on rocky soil, and some on good soil. It’s my experience that those who are patient and consistent in their disciplemaking leadership tend to see more fruit in multiplied leaders than those who lead by adopting the newest method. They pick up on the good soil quickly. They learn to spend quality time with those who are available and teachable. I learned this as I used Billie Hanks Jr.’s Operation Multiplication in disciplemaking. It’s dated, but it’s a good track to run on. The first set of books helps a new believer learn the basics and the second set helps them feed themselves and learn about evangelism and mission. They learn patience and consistency as they learn to trust you as a discipler. I make it my own as I go and I’ve seen more leaders encouraged to do the same simply because they now have a frame of reference for consistent disciplemaking.

Recently, our discipleship group (3 guys-now 4)) did a test run on the Small Circle discipleship material. This method blends a digital delivery with a systematic way for a new believer to gradually learn the basics of the faith while putting what they’ve learned into practice. As we went through the Small Circle material, I was reminded of patience and consistency. We met starting in July, got to know each other for a few months as we went through the material, and are now at a point of trust, addition of group members, and encouraging one another to take risks in areas we would like to grow. Patience and consistency. Saturday morning by Saturday morning. Weekly story by weekly story.

What if every leader poured into one other person for 12 months in such a way that expected the new leader to do the same? I think Luke 8:15 would apply and we would bear fruit with patience.

A Healthy Leader Disciples Others Regularly

In my disciplemaking book for bivocational pastors, I share about my friend Tyler in Kentucky. Tyler came to Christ in 2013 in a dramatic way and started praying that the Lord would send him someone to help him learn more about the Bible, and how to walk as a believer and encourage him as he shared the Good News with his coworkers and family. On the flip side, I had been praying for someone to disciple!

As Tyler and I met each week, we both got a taste of what Luke 5:11 practically looks like.

And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”¹¹And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

Looking back on ten years of intentional disciplemaking (ship), I’m all the more encouraged and spurred to practice a 2 Tim 2:2 sort of discipleship.

²and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.
2 Tim 2:2

Leader, as you think about the group you lead; ask yourself the questions below. It’s my prayer that they encourage you to pray the same prayer as me in 2013. If you are currently active in making disciples, keep it up! Encourage others to do the same! Strive toward the goal and finish well!

Am I a leader who prays about discipling other believers?
- Do I have a burden to pour into others?
- Is there a person or two that the Lord has placed on your heart?
- Am I open to allowing the Lord to put me outside of my comfort zone to disciple another believer?
Do I see pouring into others as a necessity?
- Have I thought about disciplemaking as “every believer’s responsibility?”
- If I see it as a “must” for my group/church, what am I doing to make space for this weekly?
How can I be equipped to disciple another believer?
- Have you personally encouraged/led another believer to take a step toward obedience? What did that look like? How did you and the other believer grow as a result?
- If you’ve never discipled another believer, what steps can you take to equip yourself to lead someone else?
What would I need to give up or start doing to be a multiplying believer?
- Do you need to make some personal schedule adjustments?
- Do you need to block out a morning and invite others to join you for an hour or two?
What does “regularly” look like for me?
- What does your schedule allow?
Does the group I lead see intentional disciplemaking as something we all should ascribe toward?
- Is this something that is regularly discussed, prayed for, and encouraged?
- Would a church member be surprised to hear that they have a responsibility to pour into others?
- Does the group have a plan to multiply in the future? If so, who are you pouring into to take your place or lead the new group?

If you need some help/encouragement in getting started, please let me know! I can provide you with some examples, and resources, and would love to encourage you in person, or online!

2023 Book Review: A Selected Summary

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This year, I read/listened to the most books I can remember (outside of my years studying for my doctorate). Starting last year, I utilized many resources through our local library and the Libby and Hoopla apps. I like to tease my wife when we get our local tax bill, and I see the library tax listed, “It looks like I’ve got to read $78 worth of books from the library this year!” These library apps have been amazing! When I’m on the road, remodeling our house (listened to a ton this summer), taking a break from work, or walking alone in our neighborhood, I typically have an audiobook playing through my Airpods at 1.5 speed. I got my money’s worth this year.

As we prepared to move this year, I donated two carloads of books to a Bible college and sold eight U-Haul boxes of books to McKay’s Used Books in Nashville. I still have a ton of print books on our shelves! I started buying almost all my books in digital form. I use the Logos platform and Kindle. My son bought me a Kindle Scribe for my birthday this year. I love it! I enjoy its size and the ability to handwrite sticky notes. These can be viewed on my phone, iPad, and laptop.

This year, I’d like to highlight five of the books I enjoyed and one I would not recommend. (Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a scholarly review of these works. I’m simply giving my insights, a little commentary, and what I learned from each book.)

Brothers, We Are Not Professionals, John Piper

This book¹ is the updated and revised version from 2013. The first time I read it was in seminary, probably in 2005. The update on Brothers was terrific! I love this updated preface!

And I conclude this new preface with the same prayer I began with: “Banish professionalism from our midst, O God, and in its place put passionate prayer, poverty of spirit, hunger for God, rigorous study of holy things, white-hot devotion to Jesus Christ, utter indifference to all material gain, and unremitting labor to rescue the perishing, perfect the saints, and glorify our sovereign Lord. In Jesus’ great and powerful name. Amen.”²

It came with fresh insight and the ever-caring and thoughtful prose from John Piper. I picked this book mainly because it was the last book I went through with a group of pastor friends from West Kentucky before I moved. It brings back memories of a group of guys who met monthly, opened their hearts to one another, struggled with thoughts and ideas presented in many books we discussed, and openly questioned things you don’t often hear pastors asking within the walls of a church.

Brothers was an excellent example of our time together. Some of Piper’s ideas were openly criticized within our group. One brother thought Piper could have made the book into a booklet (why does he use so many words to say what I can say in a paragraph?), and another brother openly shared his struggles as he led through transition. I miss that group and feel tears forming as I write this sentence. Find a book like Brothers and a group of like-minded men or women. You’ll thank me.

Total Forgiveness, RT Kendall

I love reading Dr. Kendall. Born in Ashland, Kentucky, Dr. Kendall followed Martyn Lloyd-Jones at Westminster Chapel in London. Imagine that: a Kentucky boy preaching and pastoring a church in England! These sentences transformed me and helped me through a tough time this year:

When you forgive someone, you are set free from a type of emotional bondage. — the Lord seemed to say, what if I forgive you in the proportion you forgive others? — forgiving someone does not mean we will take a vacation with them, but it does mean we will read our hearts of all bitterness toward them. —Col 3:13

Total Forgiveness reminded me that forgiveness is a process. While I was struggling through forgiving others, Kendall encouraged me to ask the Lord to consciously change my heart daily. I began to spend more time in prayer, become more gracious with others, and not allow the sins or sins of others to control me (more on this with Safe People, by Cloud).

I’ve met a handful of people who remind me of what Barnabas would be like today. Kendall reminds me of these people. I’ve teased friends and said, “When I grow up, I want to be like you!” This past year, I thought, “That’s crazy! I’m doing that right now!” I like to learn from people like RT, my friend Benny in Kentucky, and Eric in Oklahoma. These guys genuinely exhibit a Barnabas-like attitude of constant encouragement. RT is now 88 years old and takes to social media almost daily with a short devotion or motivation for others. I think Barnabas would be doing something like that today!

Safe People, Henry Cloud

Safe People was one of those books I borrowed from my local library. It put into words what I’d been thinking over the past several years. Some people aren’t safe to:

Be around. Simply being around them makes you feel poorly about yourself. When you go home, you find yourself venting about this person. Then you have to repent of doing that. What a cycle!
Trust. Unsafe people will make you think you can trust them but will use whatever you’ve shared with them against you whenever it’s convenient for them. “Oh, they’ve changed! They aren’t like that anymore!” Then you trust them and learn the hard way…again.
Be led by. Unsafe people make some of the worst leaders. You second-guess yourself all the time. You never feel like you are doing a good job. You are hindered professionally rather than taking that time to grow.
Lead. Unsafe people are hard to lead. They bring others around them down. They make a job take twice as long. They make you wish the project was over before it starts.

What did I learn from Cloud?

I need to recognize who is safe and learn from them.
Some people are more challenging to love, so I must carefully open up to them and show kindness and grace without hurting myself. Sometimes we can take things too personally.
Some people make it impossible to want to have a meaningful relationship. Maybe some hurt from the past causes them to want to destroy/hurt everyone around them. Maybe there’s a current sin issue that they are not dealing with that is the problem. Perhaps they’ve never been told how hurtful their words/actions are and need someone to lovingly tell them. And finally, in the words of Michael Caine from The Dark Knight, “Some people just want to watch the world burn.”³
The unsafe person doesn’t define who I am or get to dictate my thoughts or actions.

Kendall and Cloud have been incredible in helping me to remember that my identity is in Christ. He helps me love those who I struggle to love. These books have reminded me to place healthy boundaries around those who tend to hurt rather than support and spend most of my time with Safe rather than Unsafe people.

Bully Pulpit, Michael Kruger

Last year, I read A Church Called Tov by Scot McKnight. Bully Pulpit runs within the same topic. I recommend this book to every Christian, especially church staff and members who may need to recognize an abusive leader.

If you find yourself in a church with an abusive leader and the other leaders don’t want to do anything about it, please leave and find a church where this is not happening.

Kruger provides a readable and relatable account of the characteristics of an abusive leader, how to biblically deal with one, and how to protect yourself and those you love from this type of person.

If you are dealing with pain, confusion, depression, and other unhealthy emotions from a Bully leader or church, this book can help you put words to what you are feeling and support you as you heal. I recommended Bully to another believer, and she said, “I knew something was wrong at my last church, but I didn’t know exactly how to word it. This book helped me see that I was in a church with an unhealthy leader. I thought I could help change them, but now I know I should have left sooner.”

All My Knotted Up Life, Beth Moore

All Knotted is the first book I’ve ever read by Moore. I have read plenty of opinions through social media, seen her books in our church library over 20 years ago, and know some people who have gone through her studies. My main takeaway from reading All My Knotted was to learn about the person and their story before buying everything you hear or read. I honestly can’t tell you if she’s an anointed Bible expositor, but from what I’ve read in this book, I can honestly say that Moore has a hunger for the Lord that is safe to emulate.

As I read, I was reminded that each person has a backstory that I’ll likely know nothing about. Moore recounts early childhood abuse that no child should endure. She brings the reader along as she walks with the Lord, from a young girl learning to love the Bible to a young woman challenged to grow in her gifts. She recounts the joy she feels as women using her material are growing in their relationship with the Lord and are learning to have a desire to feed themselves through daily Bible reading, study, and prayer. I was honestly saddened and hurt by two things she described toward the end of the book.

She needed to take to social media when she was getting attacked. I’m always sad when I see leaders headed straight for SM to say the first thing on their mind during an attack. She admits her response to the criticism was inappropriate and that she had no idea what was coming after she posted it to Twitter. Hindsight is 20/20. How many times have I wanted to comment, reply to a comment, or repost something that I knew might be seen as aggressive? A lot. (Remember a previous post where I want to say, “Calm down guy!” but I don’t?) Social media has become a place where we can pop off real quick, get a dopamine hit, troll other’s fake lives, or even live vicariously through another’s presentation of their life. I recently read John Crist’s book Delete That. He describes the feelings of validation in taking to SM to receive value or justify ourselves. I was reminded (again) by Moore that this plan is seldom a good one.
Christians openly attacking one another. She describes being verbally attacked by seminary students, pastors, and even denominational leaders. I was almost in tears, not by her description of the attacks, but by thinking about how we’ve normalized actively “coming at” other believers when a secondary/tertiary belief is different from ours. We take to SM using Matthew 18 as a pretext when we don’t know the person, will never meet them, and probably wouldn’t talk to them if we were in the same room. The discernment leaders are not helping. I used to listen to a few on YouTube/Podcasts, but now my heart hurts for them AND their listeners. There is a place and a way to do this, but how we see it being done today (for the most part) is not the way.

Moore and her husband have found a home in the Anglican Church in TN. While I’m not planning on joining them, I’m happy they have found a believing community that loves them and a place where they can heal and grow closer to one another and the Lord.

Surprise the World, Michael Frost

Surprise surprised me! I was unprepared for Frost’s vehement disagreement with a forward evangelistic methodology. In summary, he says not all are evangelists, so all should not be expected to evangelize in the same manner as those exceptionally gifted. Well…

Surprise spent too much time telling believers why they shouldn’t share the gospel. Frost is reacting to too many sermons where pastors make people feel guilty for not evangelizing. I think he is right here. I think I’ve done that and repent of it. Believers need encouragement, equipping, and the opportunity to share with an experienced evangelist. What they don’t need is a guilt trip.

Evangelism is one of those disciplines that needs to be kept in front of the church, not diminished, downplayed, or discouraged. Each believer has been placed within a context and given gifts that allow them to share a biblical gospel in love, kindness, and boldness. Some are gifted evangelists who think, dream, and act evangelistically. My friends Kenny, Matt, Scott, and Susan are like this. They effectively use their gifting to teach and lead in love. Those they lead are, in turn, encouraged to share more often. While I will not recommend Surprise to others, I will be reminded that not everyone is a gifted evangelist.

What are a few books you’ve enjoyed in 2023? What are you looking forward to reading in 2024?

Photo courtesy of http://www.desiringgod.org. ↩︎
Piper, John. Brothers, We Are Not Professionals (p. 8). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIYkhb2NjfE. ↩︎

Butchery, Sausage, and a Fun Hobby

My first real job in high school was at a grocery store. I bagged groceries, stocked shelves, and made my way to the meat department as the cleanup boy. Not long in, I began to learn how to grind meat, use the tenderizer, and distinguish between cuts.

After a year or so working part time, I was hired full time and became more and more skilled. I began butchering deer with a friend at night, worked at a local slaughter house on my day off, and my friend, Steve and I began buying a few pieces of equipment to process at home.

Fast forward to today. I have two meat grinders (a .5hp Cabelas with a #8 head and a 1.5hp MEAT #32 head grinder). One 50lb tilt mixer that attaches to the 1.5hp MEAT grinder. Cabelas manual tenderizer. A MEAT jerky gun. A Hakka vertical 15lb sausage stuffer. For my birthday this year I bought a tri-hone knife sharpener that no normal man should own. It’s a commercial grade one that professional meat shops use. My wife teases me unmercifully about these items and the totes of accessories. I think I’m about one very large donor away from opening “Simply Sausage OKC.” A VERY large one.

Below are a few examples of this hobby. Deer bacon, brats pre-linked, breakfast sausage links, deer snack sticks, 1lb packages of ground deer/beef, summer sausage tubes, and flat deer jerky.

Disciplemaking and a Forgotten Bible: A Disciple is Not Interested, Now What?

Several years ago, I was visiting my friend in his office and noticed the same Bible had been on an end table in his sitting area. I asked about it, and he said, “I keep that there to remind me some disciples simply don’t make it.” My friend had been meeting with another believer and encouraging him to grow in Christ. One evening, the new believer left without his Bible. Calls and texts went unanswered, and the Bible has become a Bethel of sorts: “Remember this day the disciple that wanted no more discipling and ponder on the lessons you have learned from wayward disciples!” (1 Hesitations 31:13)

While you might not have an ownerless Bible on your end table, you may be left alone at the coffee shop after you’ve blocked off time to meet with this disciple. Honestly, this doesn’t bother me like it did 5 or 10 years ago. I’ve been left hanging enough that I usually bring some extra work or a book. I’ve also learned to create boundaries with this type of disciple. (More on this below.)

So, now what? Do I leave the Bible on the end table and get bitter over the guy who didn’t want to meet with me or learn what I can and keep going? How can I continue to love the “end table guy?”

Continue to Pray for Him Eph 6:18 We are to pray for all the saints. This prayer includes the believer who left his Bible on your table the last time you saw him and won’t return your texts. Make a repeating calendar reminder a few times a month, or place it within your prayer journal or app. Keep praying for him to get hungry for the Lord.

Periodically Connect With Him 1 Tim 1:1-2 Paul instructed and encouraged his disciples. We might not write a doctrine-filled letter/email/text to our uninterested friends. Still, we can occasionally call/text/DM them to let them know we love them. Skip the stereotypical, “I’ve missed our time together” or “I miss seeing you at church/group,” but let them know you pray for them occasionally. Ask how they are doing, and see if you can learn about their family, work, or hobby. Let them know you love them.

Recognize it’s Normal Mark 4:3-9 In Mark 4, Jesus describes four different soil types. The “end table guy” may fall into one of these categories. He may not. It may be that he has overcommitted his life and hasn’t learned how to use boundaries properly. He may have a hectic season at work, the kiddos are having a hard time at school, and his wife has been sick, so he needs to spend more time at home. Grace and understanding are necessary for discipleship. (But it’s also normal when people leave their Bible on the end table, never to be seen again.)

Leave the Door Open 2 Tim 2:2 As disciplemakers, we seek faithful believers who will teach others. These believers are FATR-Faithful, Available, Teachable, and Reproducible. Some people are not, but keep the door open! The Spirit might convict, empower, enable, persuade, or provide some relief at home/work for them to join you again. When I started discipling other men, a mentor told me, “Make sure you have healthy boundaries. Some people will promise to meet with you repeatedly but won’t. After about three consecutive missed meetings, tell them you recognize they are busy right now and ask them to reach out to you when things calm down.” You are protecting your time AND leaving the door open for a possible discipleship relationship sometime in the future.

Keep Sowing/Discipling Acts 13:13-14 Paul and Barnabas kept going after John Mark left them and returned to Jerusalem. After John Mark left, Paul continued to preach in the synagogue (14-43), preached again the next Sabbath (44), and made more disciples for the Lord (52). They kept going! My friend Charles always said, “What you are looking for are hungry fish! Find out where the fish are hungry and feed them!” How do you know where the hungry fish are? Fish everywhere, and you’ll learn. Spending quality time intentionally sharing and pouring into a few hungry believers is life-changing! Being intentional in my prayer to the Lord is vital. Not only does He listen, but He answers!

Surround Yourself with Strong Believers Who Will Encourage You. 2 Tim 4:9-11 If you are like me, you may get discouraged in the faith when you are not walking closely with several other believers. Whether I’m actively discipling others or the Lord has given me some time of respite, I desperately need to be around other believers who know me, love me, challenge me, and encourage me to both operate within my gifts and seek the Lord to desire those I don’t have but want genuinely.