Toby DeHay

You Don’t Have to Grow Alone: Finding a Discipler

5 Min Read Time. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Discipleship is at the heart of the Christian life, modeled by Jesus Himself in His relationships with His followers. Finding someone to disciple you can be a crucial step if you desire to grow spiritually and deepen your faith. This guide explores how to seek out and approach a mature believer who can help you in your walk with Christ.

1. The Importance of Discipleship

Jesus commanded His followers to “make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19–20). Discipleship is not optional for Christians—it is a biblical mandate. Jesus Himself said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15), reminding us that obedient followers take His words seriously. Being discipled by a mature believer helps you grow in faith, gain a clearer understanding of Scripture, and develop the character of Christ. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” The Christian life is meant to be lived in community, with believers helping one another mature in faith.

2. What to Look for in a Discipler

Not everyone is suited to be a discipler-yet! When seeking someone to disciple or mentor you, prioritize spiritual maturity and biblical faithfulness over charisma or status. Key qualities to look for include:

Biblical Faithfulness – A discipler should be grounded in Scripture, rightly handling the Word of God (2 Timothy 2:15), and living in obedience to it.
Christlike Character – Look for someone who exhibits the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and lives with humility, integrity, and love.
Prayerful Dependence on God – A strong discipler relies on God through prayer and encourages those they disciple to do the same.
Commitment to the Local Church – Since discipleship is a communal effort, the ideal discipler should be actively engaged in their local church.
Encouragement and Generosity – Inspired by Barnabas, a good discipler uplifts, supports and generously invests in others (Acts 4:36-37).
Reliability and Consistency—A discipler should be dependable, showing up when they commit and demonstrating a long-term investment in their mentee. They should also model consistency and be the ones to calendar the upcoming appointments.

3. Where to Find a Discipler

The best place to find a discipler is within your local church, where spiritual relationships are naturally formed. Here are a few places to look:

Pastors and Elders – Church leaders are often experienced in discipleship and can either disciple you personally or connect you with someone.
Community Group/Sunday School Leaders—If you’re in a small group, consider approaching a leader or mature member who is already walking in discipleship.
Ministry Leaders – Those serving in teaching, prayer, or outreach ministries often have a heart for discipleship.
Faithful Older Believers – Seek those who have demonstrated endurance and faithfulness over the years.
Discipleship Networks and Online Communities—Some churches and organizations offer online discipleship programs, which can be a good supplement if in-person options are limited.

If you’re struggling to find someone, ask a pastor or church leader for guidance—they may connect you with someone willing to invest in your spiritual growth.

4. How to Approach a Potential Discipler

Once you’ve identified someone who fits these qualities, be intentional and humble in your approach. Here’s how:

Pray for Guidance – Ask God to lead you to the right person and prepare your heart for discipleship.
Be Clear and Direct – Express your desire to grow spiritually and ask if they’d be willing to meet with you regularly. You might say:

“I admire your walk with Christ and have been praying about growing in my faith. Would you be willing to meet regularly to help me grow as a disciple?”
Start Small – Instead of asking for a long-term commitment upfront, suggest meeting for a few months to see if it’s a good fit.
Respect Their Time – Many mature believers have busy schedules, so be flexible with meeting times. Do your best to arrive a little early and finish at the time you’ve agreed upon. Ask them what days and times are best for their schedules.
Be Teachable and Consistent. Show your commitment by being prepared for meetings, applying what you learn, and following through on any recommendations they make.
Be Patient – Don’t be discouraged if someone declines due to time constraints. Keep praying and seeking the right discipler.

5. Discipleship is Relational and Reciprocal

Discipleship is not just about receiving instruction but building a relationship. Both the discipler and the disciple grow together. As you engage in discipleship, be willing to share your struggles, victories, and spiritual insights. True discipleship involves mutual encouragement and accountability (Hebrews 10:24-25).

6. Commitment and Practical Steps

For discipleship to be effective, it requires intentionality. Consider these practical steps:

Set a Regular Meeting Time – Whether weekly or biweekly, having a set time ensures consistency.
Study Scripture Together – Focus on biblical truths that will help you grow spiritually.
Pray Together – Prayer should be a core part of discipleship, fostering deeper reliance on God.
Discuss Real-Life Application – Discipleship should impact daily living, helping you apply biblical principles in your personal life.
Seek Accountability – A discipler should lovingly challenge you to grow, holding you accountable for commitments you make.

7. Multiplication: Becoming a Discipler Yourself

Jesus’ model of discipleship was always meant to be reproducible. The goal is not just to be discipled but to become a discipler who makes other disciples. As Paul instructed Timothy:

“What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.” (2 Timothy 2:2)

After being discipled, pray about whom you can begin investing in. Discipleship is a lifelong process, and as you grow, you’ll be able to help others in their spiritual journey.

Conclusion

Finding someone to disciple you is a vital step in your spiritual growth. By seeking out a biblically faithful, Christlike mentor, being intentional in your approach, and committing to the process, you can experience transformation in your walk with Christ. More than that, you will be equipped to help others grow, fulfilling Jesus’ call to make disciples who make disciples. Stay faithful, be patient, and trust that God will lead you to the right person at the right time.

Bibliography:

J. Garrett Kell. How Can I Find Someone to Disciple Me? 9Marks. Crossway, 2021.

Intentionality: Think A-Z Instead of L, M, N, or O.

The A-to-Z Approach to Disciple Making: A Comprehensive Path to Spiritual Maturity

One of the most common misunderstandings in disciple making is the tendency to focus on a book study or a particular spiritual topic without considering the full scope of discipleship. While studying books and specific topics are important, they often concentrate on a narrow portion of the journey—perhaps points L, M, N, O, or P—without an A-to-Z mindset that ensures a believer matures in all aspects of faith. True disciple making is a comprehensive journey that begins at point A—introducing Christian basics—and continues all the way to point Z, where a mature believer is equipped to reproduce disciples. This A-to-Z approach ensures that believers are not left with an incomplete understanding of their faith but are fully developed and engaged in the life and mission of the Church.

Starting at A: Laying the Foundation

The journey of discipleship begins with a solid foundation in the Gospel. New believers must first grasp the essentials: salvation through Jesus Christ, the authority of Scripture, the role of the Holy Spirit, and the importance of community in the body of Christ. Without this grounding, further growth will be unstable. This phase also includes fostering a personal relationship with God through prayer and engagement with Scripture (Matthew 28:19-20).

Building Relationships: The Lifeblood of Discipleship

One of the most overlooked yet crucial aspects of disciple making is the necessity of relationships. Jesus modeled this with His disciples, spending time with them, teaching, correcting, and encouraging them (Mark 3:14). Discipleship is not simply about conveying information—it is about investing in others’ lives through mentorship, accountability, and authentic community.

A strong discipling relationship fosters trust, allowing for real growth and transformation. Without intentional relationships, discipleship risks becoming a transactional process rather than a transformational journey.

Developing Habits and Spiritual Disciplines

Growth in Christ requires the cultivation of spiritual habits. Prayer, Bible reading, worship, fasting, and Scripture memorization are essential disciplines that must be developed consistently (1 Timothy 4:7-8). However, these habits are not learned overnight. They must be modeled, practiced, and reinforced through encouragement and accountability.

A disciple maker should help new believers understand that these disciplines are not about legalism but about positioning oneself to receive from God and grow in faith.

Serving in the Local Church: Moving Toward Maturity

A disciple’s faith deepens as they move beyond personal growth and engage in the life of the local church. Serving in ministry, practicing generosity, and using spiritual gifts (Romans 12:4-8) are essential aspects of growth. When a believer actively participates in the church body, they shift from being passive recipients to active contributors in the kingdom of God.

Reaching Z: Reproducing Disciples

The ultimate goal of disciple making is multiplication. A mature disciple does not simply remain in a cycle of personal growth but invests in others, passing along what they have learned (2 Timothy 2:2). Too often, believers assume they must reach a certain level of expertise before they can disciple someone else, but in reality, disciple making should be a continuous cycle at every stage of faith.

If a believer only consumes knowledge without passing it on, discipleship stagnates. True disciple making ensures that each believer is equipped and encouraged to disciple others, continuing the multiplication process.

Avoiding a Narrow Focus in Discipleship

When a disciple maker focuses only on points L, M, N, O, or P—whether that be a deep study of theology, an emphasis on spiritual disciplines, or a passion for community engagement—they may help a disciple grow in specific areas, but this approach can leave other crucial aspects of discipleship underdeveloped. For example, a disciple who is well-versed in doctrine but lacks engagement in relationships and service may struggle to apply their knowledge in a meaningful way. Conversely, someone who is active in church ministry but lacks a foundation in biblical truth may find their faith shaken when challenges arise. While specialization in certain aspects of discipleship can yield good results, a narrow focus risks producing disciples who are strong in some areas but weak in others. A balanced, A-to-Z approach ensures that every disciple receives a well-rounded foundation, equipping them to grow in Christ holistically and ultimately invest in others.

Many well-meaning believers assume that working through a single book or focusing on one aspect of faith is sufficient for disciple making. While these resources can be helpful, they often emphasize just one part of the journey—perhaps focusing on doctrine, prayer, or spiritual gifts—without addressing the full range of growth necessary for a disciple to mature. If discipleship is reduced to only a portion of the journey, other vital areas of growth may be neglected. Instead, disciple making must encompass a full spectrum of learning, practice, and application, ensuring a well-rounded path to spiritual maturity.

Conclusion

While multiplication is the goal, a disciple making process that does not result in reproduction is still valuable and meaningful in spiritual growth. By adopting an A-to-Z approach—beginning with Christian basics and culminating in the reproduction of mature disciples—believers will experience transformation that extends beyond personal growth into the mission of Christ. It is only when disciple making is comprehensive and intentional that we truly fulfill Jesus’ Great Commission.

Resources:

The Master Plan of Evangelism – Robert E. Coleman
Growing Up: How to Be a Disciple Who Makes Disciples – Robby Gallaty
Discipleshift: Five Steps That Help Your Church to Make Disciples Who Make Disciples – Jim Putman, Bobby Harrington, Robert Coleman
Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life – Donald Whitney

What the Bible Says About Discipling, Mentoring, Counseling, Coaching, Ministering, and Befriending

Reflections on the Bridgeway Panel: Discipleship at the Heart of Every Relationship

This past weekend, I had the privilege of serving on a panel at Bridgeway Church, where we explored the vital roles of discipling, mentoring, counseling, coaching, ministering, and befriending. It was an incredible conversation, full of practical insights and real-life experiences highlighting how these roles shape our lives and communities.

Discipleship: The Foundation of It All

One of the key takeaways for me was that discipleship isn’t just another role—it’s the foundation that strengthens everything else. Jesus’ call to “go and make disciples” (Matthew 28:19-20) isn’t just about teaching information; it’s about investing in people’s lives so they grow in faith and, in turn, invest in others.

When I think about my journey, I realize how much mentoring, counseling, and even simple friendship have shaped my walk with Christ. But at the core of these experiences was discipleship—someone intentionally pointing me to Jesus, helping me mature, and challenging me to do the same for others.

How These Roles Connect

Throughout the panel, we unpacked how discipleship is the thread that ties together these different ways we support and lead others:

Mentoring is about sharing wisdom and life experience, but it’s most powerful when rooted in making disciples.
Counseling provides guidance and healing, but true transformation comes when it leads us deeper into God’s truth.
Coaching helps develop skills and confidence, but the ultimate goal should be growing in Christ-centered leadership.
Ministering meets practical needs but also an opportunity to disciple through service.
Befriending builds relationships, but the deepest friendships sharpen our faith.

Continuing the Conversation

Being part of this discussion reminded me that we’re all called to play a role in someone else’s spiritual journey. Maybe you’re already discipling someone, or maybe you’ve been feeling the nudge to step into a mentoring or coaching role. Wherever you are, my encouragement is this: start with discipleship. Make Jesus the center of every conversation, every relationship, and every act of service.

What the Bible Says About Discipling, Mentoring, Counseling, Coaching, Ministering, and Befriending

1. Discipling (Intentional Spiritual Growth and Reproduction of Faith)

Discipling is an intentional, relational process of teaching and training someone to follow Jesus and make disciples. It is more than simply guiding or advising—it is a life-on-life commitment to helping someone grow in faith and obedience to Christ.

Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV) – “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”
2 Timothy 2:2 – “What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.”
Luke 6:40 – “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.”

Discipling: The Foundation for All Other Forms of Guidance

Discipleship is at the heart of the Christian life and is the foundation for mentoring, counseling, coaching, ministering, and befriending. Every aspect of guiding and supporting others should ultimately point them toward deeper faith and obedience to Christ. Without discipleship, these roles risk becoming secularized or disconnected from the gospel’s transformative power.

Biblical Discipleship as the Core of the Others

Each of the other relational roles—mentoring, counseling, coaching, ministering, and befriending—should be rooted in and flow from biblical discipleship:

Mentoring passes down wisdom and experience, but without discipleship, it lacks spiritual depth. Paul’s mentoring of Timothy (2 Timothy 2:2) was ultimately about making Timothy a disciple-maker.
Counseling provides guidance and healing, but proper restoration comes through discipleship—leading someone to know Christ, apply His Word, and grow in Him.
Coaching encourages development and goal-setting, but discipleship ensures that growth is Christ-centered and eternally significant.
Ministering meets needs and serves others, but discipleship ensures that ministry is not just about good deeds but about making a lasting, gospel-centered impact.
Befriending provides companionship and support, but discipleship makes friendships spiritually meaningful, sharpening one another in faith (Proverbs 27:17).

2. Mentoring (Guiding and Advising for Development)

Mentoring is a broader concept that involves providing guidance, wisdom, and encouragement to someone seeking growth. While discipling is about spiritual formation and multiplying disciples, mentoring can apply to different areas of life, including career, leadership, or general wisdom.

How mentoring is typically defined in the business world:

In corporate or business, mentoring is often a professional relationship where an experienced person (mentor) provides guidance, career advice, skill development, and support to a less-experienced person (mentee).
It is usually non-directive, meaning the mentor offers advice but does not necessarily push for specific action steps or accountability like a disciple-maker would.
Biblical mentoring, however, has a deeper relational and spiritual component. It aims to develop godly character alongside wisdom.

Biblical examples of mentoring:

Titus 2:3-5 (ESV) – Older men and women are encouraged to mentor the younger generation in godly living.
Proverbs 27:17 – “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

3. Counseling (Providing Wisdom and Biblical Guidance)

Counseling is about offering wisdom, comfort, and biblical truth to those in need, particularly in times of distress, confusion, or sin. Biblical counseling is rooted in God’s wisdom, not just human advice.

Proverbs 11:14 (ESV) – “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
Galatians 6:1-2 – Gently restoring those struggling while bearing one another’s burdens.

4. Coaching (Encouraging Growth and Development Through Accountability)

Coaching differs from mentoring and counseling because it is more structured, goal-oriented, and directive. Coaching often focuses on helping someone grow in a specific area, such as leadership, ministry skills, or personal development.

Exodus 18:17-23 (ESV) – Jethro advises Moses to delegate leadership and train others.
Ephesians 4:11-12 – Church leaders are called to equip the saints for the work of ministry.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 – “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

Coaching involves active accountability. The coach provides feedback, challenges individuals, and helps them set measurable goals.

5. Ministering (Serving Others in Love and Meeting Needs)

Ministry is about serving others in love through teaching, meeting physical needs, or providing spiritual care.

Mark 10:45 (ESV) – “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 25:40 – Ministering to others is serving Christ Himself.
1 Peter 4:10 – “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”

6. Befriending (Loving, Encouraging, and Supporting Others in a Relationship)

Christian friendship is more than casual companionship—a deep, sacrificial love reflecting Christ’s heart.

John 15:13 (ESV) – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Friendship provides strength and encouragement.

True Christian friendship involves accountability, encouragement, and mutual edification.

Summary of Key Differences

Category	Definition	Focus	Biblical Example
Discipling	Intentional, life-on-life training to follow Jesus and make disciples	Spiritual growth, obedience, multiplication	Jesus and His disciples (Matt. 28:19-20)
Mentoring	Providing wisdom and guidance based on experience (spiritual or practical)	Growth, character, maturity	Paul mentoring Timothy (2 Tim. 2:2)
Counseling	Providing biblical advice, comfort, and correction	Wisdom, healing, restoration	Nathan counseling David (2 Sam. 12:1-13)
Coaching	Helping someone develop in a specific area through guidance and accountability	Skills, growth, leadership	Jethro coaching Moses (Exod. 18:17-23)
Ministering	Serving others spiritually and practically	Needs, service, encouragement	Jesus washing the disciples’ feet (John 13:12-17)
Befriending	Being a faithful companion who encourages and supports	Love, relationship, encouragement	Jonathan and David (1 Sam. 18:1-4)

Conclusion

The Bible guides all these roles, each with a unique purpose in Christian life and leadership. Discipling is the most intentional (and biblical terminology) lifelong process of leading others to follow Jesus and make disciples, while mentoring is more about general guidance and wisdom. Counseling helps with personal or spiritual struggles, coaching focuses on skill development, ministering meets needs, and befriending fosters deep, godly relationships.

Each of these roles contributes to building up the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:12) and fulfilling the Great Commission.

Navigating the Stumbles: Guiding Disciples in Grace and Truth

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The journey of discipleship is a growth, learning, and transformation process. As disciples strive to listen to and follow the Lord, they inevitably make mistakes. It is the responsibility of the disciple-maker to address these missteps with grace and truth, guiding the disciple toward maturity and deeper understanding. This requires discernment, patience, and a commitment to the disciple’s long-term spiritual development.

One crucial aspect of discipleship involves learning to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit. This is not always easy, and disciples may misinterpret promptings or act on impulses that are not aligned with God’s will. In such cases, the disciple-maker must gently correct the disciple, helping them distinguish between their desires and the Spirit’s leading. This may involve asking clarifying questions, exploring the situation from different perspectives, and grounding the disciple in Scripture.

Another challenge arises when disciples, due to ignorance or lack of experience, make decisions that could have serious consequences for themselves, their disciple-maker, or their church. For example, a disciple might share sensitive information without considering the potential harm or engage in activities that compromise their witness without being intentionally sinful. One time, a young man I discipled thought the Holy Spirit was telling him one thing, acted on it, and then caused me to mediate a public verbal clash between two groups within a church. His heart was in the right place, but he didn’t have enough experience to see the outcome. I tried to guide him toward other alternatives, but his mind was made up. Other times, a mistake is made, and no one knows. The disciple-maker must address these issues promptly and directly, explaining the potential ramifications and helping the disciple to understand the importance of wisdom and discernment.

Throughout this process, both the disciple-maker and the disciple should keep the following principles in mind:

Disciple-maker:
- Love and patience: Approach corrections with a spirit of love and patience, recognizing that mistakes are part of learning. Don’t keep them from making mistakes. Be there when they happen and care for the well-intended disciple.
- Humility: Acknowledge that you are also a learner and that you do not have all the answers. Share stories of your mistakes. If possible, take the brunt of their fallout (if there is one), and show them what you are doing and why. Disciple-maker, you are the leader. Sometimes, leaders need to accept responsibility instead of the disciple. When I was a young believer, I remember asking myself, “Why didn’t a more mature believer stick up for me when I did that dumb thing?”
- Scriptural foundation: Ground all guidance and correction in the Word of God. It’s okay to be situationally pragmatic about handling issues. We can’t operate in the theoretical or the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.” But our handling of an issue NEEDS to be based on a spiritual foundation using good biblical exegesis. What does the Bible say, and how do we translate that to real-world action?
- Grace and truth: Speak the truth in love, offering grace while addressing the issue at hand. Don’t sugarcoat things. If it’s hard, say it in love. Make sure your words and facial expressions match. I remember hearing someone say, “You said you are happy, but I don’t think your face knows. It looks super mad! Ya’ll need to come together in agreement.”
Disciple:
- Humility and teachability: Receive correction with a humble and teachable spirit, recognizing that it is meant for your growth. Did you make a mistake? Own it. Ask your disciple-maker good questions about the situation, like, “How could I have handled that differently?” “Why did you do this instead of that?” “What mistakes did you make as a young believer, and how did others love you as you learned?”
- Openness: Be open and honest with your disciple-maker about your struggles and uncertainties. Openness shows teachability.
- Accountability: Take responsibility for your actions and seek to learn from your mistakes. Discuss what you would do differently next time. Thank your disciple-maker for taking any heat and sharing the truth.
- Prayer: Commit to praying for guidance and discernment in your journey of following the Lord. Try journaling your experience and writing a prayer, thanking the Lord for teaching you and providing mature believers to help you.

When addressing a mistake, the disciple-maker should:

Acknowledge the situation: Clearly identify the issue and its potential consequences.
Seek understanding: Ask questions to understand the disciple’s perspective and motivations.
Offer correction: Gently and lovingly point out the error and its impact.
Provide guidance: Help the disciple understand how to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Encourage growth: Emphasize the opportunity for learning and growth, reminding the disciple of God’s grace and forgiveness.

Discipleship is a journey of walking alongside one another, learning from each other’s experiences, and growing together in Christ. When disciples stumble, it is an opportunity for disciple-makers to demonstrate the love and grace of God, guiding them back on the path of righteousness. By addressing mistakes with wisdom, patience, and a commitment to Scripture, disciple-makers can help their disciples mature in their faith and become faithful followers of Jesus Christ.

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Common Methods Churches are Begun

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Church Planting & Replanting: Models, Biblical Examples, and Practical Steps

Church planting and replanting take different forms, each with unique strengths and challenges. Below, we explore six church planting models—Stamp, Single Sending, Several Sending, Sole Starter, and Splant—along with church replanting. Each includes biblical examples, pros and cons, and ways churches can be involved. Each may take the form of a traditional plant with a building or utilize the house/organic/cell model of meeting in homes or third places like a coffee shop or restaurant meeting room.

Church Planting Models

“Stamp” Planting (Campus Model Planting)

In this model, a church multiplies by launching new campuses that mirror the mother church in doctrine, leadership, and structure. These campuses often share a teaching team and resources.

Biblical Example:
The early church in Jerusalem influenced the gospel’s spread to new regions (Acts 8:14, Acts 15), with apostolic leadership maintaining doctrinal unity.

Pros:

Consistent teaching and leadership
Shared resources reduce financial strain
An established “brand” fosters trust

Cons:

Less local autonomy
Risk of becoming overly centralized
Dependence on the mother church’s health

Church Involvement:

Pray and provide financial support
Develop and send leaders to new campuses
Encourage members to commit to new locations

Single Sending Planting (One Church Raising Up and Sending a Planter)

A single church trains and sends a church planter without external partnerships.

Biblical Example:
The church at Antioch sent out Paul and Barnabas (Acts 13:2-3). Antioch invested in them and supported their mission.

Pros:

Strong doctrinal consistency
Deep relational support
Clear accountability structure

Cons:

Financial burden on one church
Limited support network
High pressure on leadership

Church Involvement:

Identify and train church planters
Create a church planting fund
Provide pastoral support and accountability

Several Sending Planting (Churches Partnering to Plant Together)

Multiple churches pool resources, leadership, and support to plant a new church.

Biblical Example:
Paul’s ministry was funded by multiple churches (Philippians 4:15-16, 2 Corinthians 8:1-4). Churches in Macedonia and Achaia partnered to advance the gospel.

Pros:

Shared financial and logistical burden
Broader leadership support
Greater unity in the body of Christ

Cons:

Potential for theological or leadership conflicts
Slower decision-making
Can become overly bureaucratic

Church Involvement:

Form a church planting network
Support a planter financially and prayerfully
Help establish doctrinal alignment

Sole Starter Planting (Not Sent by Anyone, Parachute Planter)

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A Sole Starter moves to a new area and plants a church without being officially sent.

Biblical Example:
Philip’s evangelistic work in Samaria (Acts 8:5-8). He wasn’t formally sent but was later affirmed by the apostles.

Pros:

Flexible and responsive to God’s leading
Can reach unreached areas
Not hindered by denominational structures

Cons:

High risk of burnout or theological drift
Lack of financial and relational support
No built-in accountability

Church Involvement:

Offer mentoring and theological oversight
Provide financial and logistical support
Encourage connection with a network

Splant Plant (Church Plant from a Church Split)

A splant occurs when a group leaves a church due to theological, leadership, or cultural differences and starts a new congregation. Please don’t do this one! I include it in the list because they happen. It’s rare that leadership in a church splant will call it what it is. They have often been hurt, and it’s easier to explain a traditional plant than a splant. While not all splants need to be affirmed by you or are biblical, the individuals involved need love, care, and biblical guidance.

Biblical Example:
Paul and Barnabas split over John Mark (Acts 15:36-41). Though painful, both continued fruitful ministry.

Pros:

Can allow for doctrinal or cultural alignment
Creates space for healing and refocusing
Often driven by strong convictions

Cons:

Often rooted in conflict rather than mission
Can cause lasting division in the body of Christ
Risk of repeating past issues

Church Involvement:

Seek reconciliation before separation
Encourage healthy leadership transitions
Promote biblical unity in disagreements

Church Replanting

Church replanting focuses on revitalizing dying or declining congregations by restructuring leadership, vision, and outreach.

Biblical Example:
Jesus’ call to the church in Sardis (Revelation 3:1-3). He urged them to strengthen what remained and return to faithful ministry.

Pros:

Preserves an existing church’s legacy
Utilizes existing facilities and relationships
Immediate opportunity for gospel impact

Cons:

Resistance to change from existing members
Can require significant leadership restructuring
The emotional weight of letting go of past traditions

Church Involvement:

Identify struggling churches and offer assistance
Support replant efforts through leadership and resources
Help build a new vision while honoring the past

Next Steps for Churches Considering Church Planting or Replanting

Pray Intentionally – Ask God to raise up church planters and replanters.
Disciple Future Leaders – Invest in members with pastoral gifts.
Partner with Others – Collaborate with like-minded churches.
Support Financially – Set aside a budget for planting and replanting.
Encourage Participation – Challenge members to be part of the work.

By choosing a model that aligns with your church’s strengths and mission, you can play a vital role in spreading the gospel and strengthening the Church. Pastor/Elder/Staff, what are your next steps in leading your church toward planting? I suggest regular prayer, investigation/education, and a beginning conversation with leaders and highly capable disciple-makers. Let me know if I can encourage you!

“So Moses rose with his assistant Joshua…”

So Moses rose with his assistant Joshua, and Moses went up ^linto the mountain of God.
Exodus 24:13

Here’s an example of a “cleaned-up” version of my morning time with the Lord. 🙂

In Exodus 24:2, God commands Moses to ascend Mount Sinai alone to meet with Him. While Joshua isn’t explicitly mentioned in the initial command (Exodus 24:1), the broader context reveals his role. He’s assisting Moses and leading the Israelite warriors (Exodus 17:9, 14). This seemingly small detail points to a significant principle: God desires His people to develop as leaders, ensuring a smooth transition of responsibility to the next generation. Evidence of this intentional leadership development is seen in Exodus 17:14: “Write this as a memorial in a book and recite it in the ears of Joshua.”

This passage lends itself to a broader conversation and provides some key principles for disciple-making.

First, leaders are entrusted with specific, non-delegable tasks (Exodus 24:2). While Joshua went with Moses, Moses alone was permitted to come near to God. Sometimes, you can take the person you disciple with you, but you need to take care of business, not them.

Moses alone shall come near to the Lord, but the others shall not come near, and the people shall not come up with him.
Exodus 24:2

Second, leaders must intentionally disciple emerging leaders (Exodus 17:14; Exodus 18:17-21). In general, believers should disciple other believers. I was talking with a brother the other day, and he said, “We don’t really have to ask the Lord if He wants us to disciple others. He’s already told us!” The same is true of leaders. If we want healthy leaders, we must be intentional about asking the Lord who has these characteristics and disciple them toward growing in this way.

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this as a memorial in a book and recite it in the ears of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”
Exodus 17:14

Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone….Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.
exodus 18:17-21

Third, leaders should pass on relevant and applicable history to their disciples. This knowledge transfer equips future leaders with wisdom and understanding. How often have you thought, “Well, if I’d known about that tidbit of history, I wouldn’t have made that mistake!” I’ve done it plenty!
Finally, effective leadership development involves modeling godly behavior within a close relationship with the Lord, demonstrating practical application rather than mere theory (Exodus 33:11). While God specifically called Moses up the mountain, Joshua’s presence and role suggest he was an implied guest. Make the potential leader you are discipling your ‘implied guest.’ Ask them to do ministry with you. Watch as they lead.

My prayer for you is the same one I wrote during my quiet time, as the Lord taught me this morning:

“Lord, thank you for these lessons. Please help me to walk in them. I want to do better modeling what You teach me. Help me lead and teach with patience and grace. Amen!”

Explore What I Am Currently Reading: Insights and Reflections

Intentional: Living Out Eight Principles of Disciple Making

The Village Effect: How Face-to-Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier, Happier, and Smarter

Pinker, S. (2014). The Village Effect: How Face-to-Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier and Happier. Random House Canada, 378 pages. ISBN: 978-0307359537

In this interesting book (audiobook for me-Hoopla is amazing!), developmental psychologist Susan Pinker examines how face-to-face social connections fundamentally impact human health, happiness, and longevity. From scientific research and real-world examples, Pinker demonstrates that direct human contact remains essential for well-being despite our increasingly digital world. She explores communities like Sardinia’s Villagrande, where strong social bonds correlate with exceptional longevity, and examines how in-person interactions affect everything from child development to immune system function. The book offers practical insights for maintaining crucial social connections in modern life, making it valuable for academic and general audiences interested in human development, health, and social psychology. I encourage group leaders and pastors to be encouraged by Pinker and her studies. She appears to be agnostic at best but uses examples of religious communities throughout her book.

Next Door as It Is in Heaven: Living Out God’s Kingdom in Your Neighborhood

Ford, L. & Brisco, B. (2016). Next Door as It Is in Heaven: Living Out God’s Kingdom in Your Neighborhood. NavPress, 224 pages. ISBN: 978-1631464973

In this thoughtful exploration of Christian community engagement, authors Lance Ford and Brad Brisco examine how modern life has eroded neighborhood connections and offer a theological framework for rebuilding the local community. The authors argue that genuine neighborliness is a biblical mandate and a path to spiritual growth. Drawing from Scripture and contemporary social research, they analyze how technology, individualism, and busy schedules have contributed to social isolation. The book provides practical strategies for Christians to meaningfully engage with their neighborhoods, suggesting that authentic community involvement is essential for personal faith development and effective ministry. Through real-world examples and biblical principles, the authors present a vision of neighborhood life that bridges the gap between spiritual practice and everyday relationships. As I read this book, I’m encouraged to be more intentional in getting to know and build relationships with my neighbors.

The Titus Ten

Smith, J. J. (2022). The Titus Ten: A Pastor’s Guide to Developing Leaders in the Church. Grace Theological Press, 176 pages. ISBN: 979-8985529807

In this practical guide focused on church leadership development, J. Josh Smith examines the ten qualifications for church leaders outlined in Titus 1:5-9. Drawing from his pastoral experience and biblical exposition, Smith provides a comprehensive framework for identifying, developing, and deploying church leaders. He breaks down each of the ten qualifications, offering practical insights for current church leaders and those aspiring to leadership roles. The book combines theological depth with actionable guidance, addressing how these ancient qualifications apply to modern church contexts. Smith emphasizes character development alongside competency, arguing that both are essential for effective church leadership. The work is a valuable resource for pastors, elders, and ministry leaders involved in leadership development within their congregations. I am meeting with a group of four men once a month and we are reading a chapter each month. We are using the principles from each chapter as discussion starters.

Do You Think To Pray: How to Listen and Talk to God Every Day about Everything

Kendall, R. T. (2009). Did You Think to Pray? How to Listen and Talk to God Every Day. Charisma House, 240 pages. ISBN: 978-1599797618

In this practical exploration of prayer, R.T. Kendall addresses the often-overlooked aspects of developing a meaningful prayer life. Drawing from decades of pastoral experience and biblical teaching, Kendall examines why many Christians struggle with consistent prayer and provides insights for developing a more intentional approach to communication with God. The book combines theological understanding with practical application, addressing common obstacles to prayer while offering specific strategies for making prayer a natural part of daily life. Kendall particularly emphasizes the importance of both speaking and listening in prayer, challenging readers to move beyond mere petition to develop a deeper, more conversational relationship with God. Through personal anecdotes and biblical examples, he demonstrates how regular, thoughtful prayer can transform one’s spiritual life and relationship with God.

Catcher in the Wry

Uecker, Bob, and Melvin Durslag. Catcher in the Wry. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1982.

Bob Uecker’s Catcher in the Wry is a humorous memoir recounting his baseball experiences. I love reading baseball books! I often read works like this in the evening right before bed or on my day off enjoying a coffee while exploring a new coffee shop. Examining works on sports humor and comparing it to other baseball autobiographies provides a broader framework for understanding Uecker’s style; which is humorous, sarcastic, and odd-but in a good way!

The Bible in a Year

In February I started in Exodus. I generally read three chapters in the morning and listen to a Psalm or two and work through the Prophets a few days a week as I drive (I use the Logos Bible app and listen as I drive). A few years ago Craig Keener and RT Kendal inspired me to read my Bible more. I followed Keener’s example in 2022/23 and read ten chapters of the NT a day to read it once a month. I did this for ten months or so. It was life-changing!

Disciple Making Principles: Barnabas, Son of Encouragement

7-8 minute read. Audio version is found here.

As I read the book of Acts, I’m always encouraged when Barnabas’ name comes up. Recently I created a Passage List regarding Barnabas in my Logos Bible platform and wanted to share the principles of this amazing disciple-maker.

The Encourager

Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus,
Ac 4:36

The first mention of Joseph, also called Barnabas, is in Acts 4. The church is beginning to grow in Jerusalem rapidly, believers are speaking the gospel boldly, signs and wonders are accompanying the preaching, and those in Christ are filled with the Holy Spirit. Writer Luke is sure to include Barnabas’ nickname, Son of Encouragement. Bible scholar John Polhill (footnote below) said, “He was the encourager, the advocate, the paraklete par excellence of all the characters in Acts.”

The Humble Giver

Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus,
sold a field that belonged to him and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.
Ac 4:36-37

Barnabas recognized he had something to give and wanted to provide for the needs of his new brothers and sisters. He didn’t make decisions on where the money was spent. He took the sale proceeds and brought it humbly to the apostles. I always think about my late friend Ronnie when I think about humble givers. He was not wealthy, but he was a humble giver. Ronnie was the guy who liked to buy the lunches of others when they were not looking. You would try to pay only to find out someone had already taken care of it. Chances were it was Ronnie. He would have emptied his gas tank to get you to town, paid for the late utility bill, or made sure the widow’s lawn mover was in working order before his yard was mowed.

The Introducer

But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles and declared to them how on the road he had seen the Lord, who spoke to him, and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus.
Ac 9:27–11:22

Being an “Introducer” is key to being a solid disciple-maker. The Introducer vets people. In Acts 9, Barnabas is the man who lets the apostles know Paul had an in-person experience with the Lord. He shares with these men how he came to Damascus to persecute the church but left a believer who was preaching boldly in the synagogue. As an Introducer, sometimes my job is to try to get the right people together for a growing disciple-making relationship. Other times a disconnected believer simply needs new friends. The Introducer makes it their job to care pastorally for the new or immature believer by making sure they know other believers.

When we moved to OKC, we joined a Community Group at our church and one of the elders became an Introducer for me. Each Sunday he asked if I had met this man or that one. He slowly made sure each of the other elders had met me. The Introducer is not concerned about you moving in on their friend group. They are confident in the Lord and want to see others faithfully growing within the community.

The Delegate

The report of this came to the ears of the church in Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch.
Ac 11:22–25

The Delegate is a trusted believer who can be sent to look into things. In Acts 11, the church has begun to grow into the Gentile world (11:1). As he did with Paul, he verified these believers were coming to Christ through the preaching of the gospel. And…” When he came and saw the grace of God, he was glad, and he exhorted them all to remain faithful to the Lord with steadfast purpose.” (Acts 11:23) The delegate has the authority of others behind him. Disciple-making Delegates are often those who willingly head into hard situations and confidently speak the truth in love. The Delegate is a trusted, mature believer who understands those of other cultures/viewpoints. Barnabas was a native of Cyprus and was likely fluent in Greek. When he arrived in Antioch, he did not arrive with a critical attitude but was ready to see the grace of the Lord over those who’d just received the Good News in their community.

The Reproducer

So Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul, ²⁶and when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. For a whole year they met with the church and taught a great many people.
Ac 11:25–26.

Waylon Moore said believers needed to look for those who are Faithful, Available, and Teachable. Barnabas saw Paul as a FAT (I’m now using the acronym AFTr-available, faithful, teachable, and reproducible) believer and sought him out. He brought Paul to Antioch and helped him sharpen his skills in gospel preaching, apologetics, and teaching. The Disciple Maker is always looking for other leaders who are trainable (footnote below).

Every believer needs to be a disciple maker, but some are Makers of Disciple Makers. Characteristics of this person include:

Humble
FAT (Faithful, Available, Teachable)
Leadership Ability
Reproducible
Evangelistic
Kind/Loving/Caring
Respectful
Long-Suffering
Genuine

The Trusted One

And they did so, sending it to the elders by the hand of Barnabas and Saul.
Ac 11:30

“Now in these days prophets came down from Jerusalem to Antioch. ²⁸And one of them named Agabus stood up and foretold by the Spirit that there would be a great famine over all the world (this took place in the days of Claudius). ²⁹So the disciples determined, every one according to his ability, to send relief to the brothers living in Judea. ³⁰And they did so, sending it to the elders by the hand of Barnabas and Saul.” Ac 11:27–30.

In Acts 11:27-30, Barnabas demonstrates his role as a trusted leader in the Christian community through several key qualities:

1. Spiritual Discernment and Credibility:

The church in Antioch was receptive to Barnabas’ leadership when he oversaw the delegation of aid for the impending famine predicted by the prophet Agabus. His presence suggests that he is seen as trustworthy and spiritually discerning, capable of managing important matters on behalf of the believers.

2. Commitment to Generosity and Unity:

Barnabas facilitates a response of generosity from the Antioch church to their brethren in Judea. His leadership underscores his dedication to fostering unity and care across different Christian communities, reflecting his role as a bridge-builder.

3. Dependability in Mission:

The church entrusts Barnabas and Saul (Paul) to deliver the collected aid to the elders in Judea. This assignment indicates confidence in Barnabas’ integrity and ability to execute missions reliably, even in the face of potential challenges.

4. Partnership in Ministry:

By partnering with Paul for this task, Barnabas shows his collaborative spirit and willingness to share responsibilities with others for the greater good of the Church. Their partnership highlights his humility and commitment to collective leadership.

Through these actions, Barnabas exemplifies the qualities of a servant-leader who is trusted to manage resources, unite believers, and fulfill critical missions in the early Christian community.

Polhill, John B. Acts, vol. 26, The New American Commentary: Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992.

Moore, Waylon B. Multiplying Disciples : The New Testament Method for Church Growth. Colorado Springs, Colo.: Navpress. 1981.

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Disciples of The Way: Straight Street, Damascus, Syria

7 min read time. Photo by Alena Koval on Pexels.com

But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ²and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.
Ac 9:1–2

Acts 9 starts with Saul, soon to be called Paul, so incensed about the preaching of the gospel that he is threatening murder and seeking warrants to look for disciples/followers of The Way in Damascus. It ends with him escaping his former persecuting partners in a basket over the wall.

Paul intends to enter Damascus zealous to begin rounding up followers of The Way, yet has an undeniable encounter himself with the risen Lord.

As I read through Acts again, I’m reminded that language is important. In the two verses above, Saul is breathing murder against the disciples of the Lord and those belonging to The Way. In scripture, these designations mean something. There are implications attached to following as a disciple or being recognized as a person “of The Way.”

Disciples of the Lord

Paul was going after disciples. Those who followed. Had he arrived at the synagogues and shared his mission, the rabbis and congregants would have known exactly who he was looking for. It’s a bit sobering to think how the terms “Christian,” and “believer,” and “disciple” today have taken on an almost nebulous meaning. Depending on who you ask, any of these terms could mean any number of things except what they are intended to mean.

But words do have meaning.

A disciple is a student, pupil, or learner. In the New Testament it is used for Jesus’ followers.
J. Barry, Lexham Bible Dictionary

Jesus was a different rabbi. He called His own disciples.

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. ¹⁹And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” ²⁰Immediately they left their nets and followed him.
Mt 4:18–20

Those who wanted to be changed came to Him by faith, not by their own intellect or power.

And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.”
Mt 9:2

The disciples have a changed heart due to the gospel. They die to themselves and follow the Lord.

And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Mt 10:38

Paul was not seeking those who had a passing interest in Jesus. He sought those who may have suffered persecution at his hands in Jerusalem (Acts 8:3; 26:10) and fled to Damascus. In fact, they had a specific designation.

Belonging to The Way

Luke gets more specific in describing the disciples by using the phrase “followers of The Way.”

“The Way” is explicitly mentioned in Acts 9:2; 19:9, 23; 22:4; 24:22; and possibly in 16:17; 18:25–26; 24:14. Craig Keener believes this title to be Semitic in its context as it does not seem to have been used by the Gentile church. He also correlates The Way with the narrow door of salvation, the way of peace and righteousness seen in Matthew, Luke, John, and Acts.

The movement is related to the narrow “door” of salvation (Luke 13:24–25; cf. Matt 7:13–14) and to “the way of peace” (Luke 1:79), the Lord’s way prepared by John (1:76; 3:4), “the way of God” (20:21, despite the speakers), and “the way of righteousness” (Matt 21:32; cf. Acts 13:10; 16:17).
The “way” was the right moral path or lifestyle in which the upright would walk.
Craig S. Keener, Acts: An Exegetical Commentary & 2: Introduction and 1:1–14:28, vol. 1 (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2012–2013), 1626.

As a descriptive phrase for disciples, “Belonging to The Way” would be appropriate for believers (disciples) to call themselves today.

Damascus Christians in Acts 9

The city of Damascus, located in Syria, is one of the oldest cities in the world, dating back to the 16th century BC.

In Acts 9, we learn that Saul (Paul) was on his way to Damascus with letters “to the synagogues at Damascus so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.” (Acts 9:2) To understand the significance of how zealous Saul was to crush this threatening movement known as The Way, please remember that Damascus was a six-day walk from Jerusalem. Saul was zealously going after The Way. One commentator uses the phrase, “searing rage.” Anger might cause us to veraciously pound our keyboards and write behind the safety of a screen name. Searing rage may cause us to walk SIX DAYS and use our relational and communal connections to hunt people we don’t even know AND THEN haul them SIX DAYS back!

As he approached the city, the Lord struck him blind and his companions brought him by the hand into the city. Luke tells us where Paul ends up: on Straight Street, at Judas’s home.

Craig Keener has an interesting take on the word “Straight.”

Why does Luke specify the particular street in this case? Elsewhere, revelations might include sufficient directions for travelers to find their way (cf. Acts 10:6)—“Judas” was, after all, a common name and hence could hardly specify the house’s location in Damascus by itself. But the street’s name in this case may have also supplied Luke a fortuitous opportunity for a literary connection: those who twisted God’s “straight” road (13:10) must be blinded (13:11), but the kingdom mission of true prophets entailed straightening that road again (Luke 3:4–5). Saul has turned to the Lord’s right path, to “the Way” (Acts 9:2).
Craig S. Keener, Acts: An Exegetical Commentary & 2: Introduction and 1:1–14:28, vol. 1 (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2012–2013), 1653.

Acts 9 truly shows the Lord’s kindness to Paul.

His traveling companions lead him by the hand to the city.
He finds accommodations and rest in Judas’s home thanks to Jewish hospitality.
A godly man (Ananias) in the city was praying and listening to the Lord. (9:10)
Paul was welcomed into the believing community (The Way) in Damascus and strengthened by the disciples. (9:19)
Instead of singling out followers of The Way in the synagogues, he preached Christ. He increased in strength and confounded the Jews. (9:20-22)

These disciples, or followers of The Way, provided a biblically solid ground for which the newly converted Paul would begin his ministry. These disciples showed Paul the following insights that we would do well to instill in new disciples from day one:

Faith and Obedience: The disciples in Damascus, like Ananias, demonstrated unwavering faith in Jesus and obedience to His commands. Ananias, despite his initial hesitation and concerns, ultimately obeyed God’s instruction to lay hands on Saul, trusting that God had a divine purpose.
Community and Support: The Damascus community appears to have been a supportive and interconnected group. They were aware of Saul’s previous persecution and likely shared a common understanding of the gospel. Their willingness to welcome and accept Saul, despite his past actions, speaks to their love and compassion.
Perseverance and Resilience: Given the context of early Christianity, the Damascus disciples likely faced significant challenges and persecution. Their continued commitment to their faith and their willingness to gather and support one another demonstrate their perseverance and resilience.
Spiritual Growth and Development: The Damascus community seems to have been a place of spiritual growth and development. Their interactions with Saul and their experiences of God’s miraculous work likely contributed to their own faith journeys.

Though the narrative of Acts 9 is primarily centered around Saul’s conversion, the brief glimpses we have of the Damascus disciples reveal a community of believers ready to listen to the Spirit, obey His commands, and make new disciples.

Creating Margin in Ministry: Jesus’ Example and Practical Tips

This article takes about 5 minutes to read. Photo by Karolina Kaboompics on Pexels.com

³⁰The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. ³¹And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. ³²And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves.
Mk. 6:30-32

In Mark 6:1-32, we learn that Jesus was busy! He was rejected: Despite performing miracles, Jesus is rejected by his fellow townspeople, who are surprised by His wisdom and power. He appoints the Apostles: Jesus appointed twelve apostles to accompany Him and spread His message. He provided instructions for ministry: Jesus gives His apostles instructions for their ministry, including warning them about the dangers they will face. Jesus healed people and exorcised demons: Jesus continued His ministry of healing the sick and casting out demons. He ministered to and fed the five thousand: Jesus performed a miracle by feeding a crowd of 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two fish.

Jesus taught the twelve, extended His teaching to the crowds, corrected the religious leaders, had the crowds pressing in everywhere He went, and more! And yet He still modeled rest.

“Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.”
Mark 6: 31

Jesus modeled for His disciples the necessity of getting away and resting for a while. As disciples of His, we too should take regular days off. We should use our vacation/PTO time. We should create margin throughout our day. As I write this post, I’m specifically thinking about creating margin throughout the day.

I have found that the biggest key toward intentionally creating margin includes these three components: 1). Remembering my own limitations 2). Respecting myself and others 3). Setting appropriate boundaries.

Create Margin by Remembering My Own Limitations

We are all limited and each of us in different ways. Some limits may include time, health, family care, or physical ability. I’ve had to learn that I’m limited to the number of meetings I can say yes to throughout the week (and the weekend). There are only so many projects I can take on at any given moment. There are only so many stressful conversations I can have in a day. Understanding my limitations helps me know how to build margin into my day/week/month so I can keep leading healthily.

Be sensitive to your spiritual, emotional, and physical health. At times you may be focusing a little more on one or two and need to take some extra time throughout the day to care for yourself.
You might have small children at home or be caring for a family member. These are limitations to work or ministry but take precedence.
Seasonal limitations: Summer, holiday, and allergy/asthma seasons all present limitations to what I can and cannot do. I’m working to better understand each of these to be able to create the appropriate amount of margin in each unique seasonal situation.

Create Margin by Respecting Myself and Others

I’m rereading John Mark Comer’s Ruthless Elimination of Hurry with the staff at our church. Comer is reminding me that creating margin shows that I respect both myself and others. I don’t fill my day with one meeting after another. This leaves me tired, unable to complete tasks to the best of my ability, and no time within the workday to think critically. I respect others by having margin as well. I’m better able to show up on time. I can respond to messages in a timely manner. I remember that they are likely trying to do the same thing as me. They do the best they can, with the gifts they have, within the allotted hours in their workday. I’m learning to respect myself by:

Using a calendaring service (Calendly). This has been amazing! No more going back and forth by text to establish a meeting time, date, and place. I have options for coffee, different meals at varying locations, and times to meet me in my office. The service sees what is open on my calendar (which I set the rules to), reminds those making the appointment, and gives me the ability to create margins/buffers before and after each meeting so I’m not rushing off to another one if I am unable.
Remembering that I am a special creation of God who needs to spend time with the Father throughout the day.
Becoming more Unoffendable when others don’t share my values and use invasive, intrusive, or guilt-laden tactics to rob from the margin I’m creating.

Photo by William Fortunato on Pexels.com

Create Margin by Setting Appropriate Boundaries

Henry Cloud wrote a book called Boundaries that was updated in 2017. Boundaries was not groundbreaking information, but it provided words and tools toward creating healthy boundaries in my life; particularly my ministry life. I’m learning to do this by:

Creating boundaries around my day off. I generally tell people, “that day is unavailable. How about these other two options?”
Creating soft boundaries around the weekend. I only leave one slot open to outside dinners/lunches on Friday-Sunday (with Christy’s agreement) and usually say no to coffee meetings on those days. On the rare occasion I schedule a work lunch or dinner on the weekend, Christy and I will redeem that time with a weekday breakfast together, or an extended neighborhood walk during the week.
Learning how many meetings a day/week is healthy for me and sticking to that. I’ve learned to use my calendar to help me say no. As soon as I’ve hit my early morning meeting limit (or any other), Calendly does not allow anymore and I usually block off the time visually so I am not tempted to say ‘yes’ when I need to say ‘no.’

Conclusion:

By acknowledging our limitations and intentionally creating margin in our lives, we not only respect ourselves but also foster healthier relationships with others. Through practices like careful calendaring, prioritizing self-care, and setting appropriate boundaries, we can cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling existence. Remember, it’s not about being perfect, but rather about making conscious choices that honor the Lord and our well-being, and contribute to a healthier life.