A Healthy Leader is Godly When Adversity Comes

Several years ago adversity came my way from a fellow believer. It would be nice to say, “I took the high road and honored the Lord with my actions.” I did neither. I took the low road and damaged my relationship with this person AND dishonored the Lord with my actions.

I’ll never forget the feeling I had once I realized how my words and actions hurt this person. Yes, they were being adversarial, but I did not handle it in a godly manner. To this day, it’s the number one embarrassing thing I’ve done.

While I don’t want to experience a repeat of my stupidity, I look back with a thankful attitude of learning, forgiveness, and a stinging reminder that honoring the Lord through adversity is a necessity! Think about a time that you NEVER want to repeat, but are glad (sort of) that it happened. This was it for me.

⁵³ But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. ⁵⁴ And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” ⁵⁵ But he turned and rebuked them. ⁵⁶ And they went on to another village.

Luke 9:53-56

In Luke 9, Jesus’ disciples responded to adversity by asking the Lord if they could call down fire from heaven and consume those who did not receive Him. We’d all like to think we are better than that, but let’s be honest, we simply aren’t.

Jesus simply rebuked His disciples and moved on to another village. He knew the hearts of the Samaritans in that village were hard. He also knew His disciples needed to know this type of behavior was not acceptable.

A healthy leader has probably done the same thing as me at one time or another. The difference between a healthy leader and an unhealthy one is that the healthy one has repented, made it right with the one offended (if possible), and has learned from his/her mistake. I’ve eaten plenty of humble pie, but this slice was especially large!

In my case, adversity humbled me and showed me why I needed to deal with the situation in a biblical manner and not a worldly/impassioned/impulsive one. I talked with the person I offended, repented of my sin (and even called together a group of leaders in the church and let them know what I’d done and let them know how I repented and was working to move forward), and although we won’t be dining together, we can say hello and hope the best for one another.

Reflecting on adversarial people, I learned that some:

• aren’t happy no matter what you do. They simply don’t like you. These could be described as antagonists. This person needs prayer, a loving smile, and some encouragement. We don’t have to invite everyone over for coffee or dinner, but we can be kind and loving toward them.
• had a really bad day (or several days/weeks/months) and need some grace. Offer some prayer or quietly leave the conversation/area and later you can let them know you care.
• are struggling with addiction. We had someone upset with us this last year. It turns out they were trying to kick an addiction and didn’t handle the situation very gracefully. They apologized and made it right.
• have an unhealthy bend toward controversy/conversational aggression. If you haven’t experienced this person, you will! While talking with them you will feel like you are being attacked, provoked, baited, or many other unhealthy feelings. In extreme cases I’ve simply thanked them for the conversation and exited abruptly. Most of the time it’s polite to say something like, “hey, this sounds like something you are very passionate about. I don’t know much about this topic. Can we chat again when I’ve learned some more?” Or, “can we take this issue to the Lord right now?” After you’ve prayed for the issue and the person, feel free to move on to another physical location or change the subject.
• are naturally sarcastic and don’t know that they just hurt you or are being adversarial. What we label as hurt might be called joking, being silly, or teasing by the one who hurt you. Sometimes teasing goes too far and it becomes hurtful or it never was teasing, it was a way for them be hurtful and then blame you for the pain you feel.

Healthy leaders know adversity is coming. Dealing with it with scripture in view and time in prayer is a must!

¹⁵“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 

Matt 18:15