My Baseball Fan’s Bucket List: What I’ve Done—And What’s Left To Experience
If you love baseball, The Baseball Fan’s Bucket List by Robert and Jenna Santelli is one of the most enjoyable guides ever written for America’s pastime. It’s a celebration of the sights, sounds, and stories that make baseball more than a sport—it’s a lifelong adventure.
The book lists 162 must-experience baseball moments, from ballparks and movies to memorabilia, historic sites, and quirky cultural traditions.
We’ve visited ALL of the MLB stadiums (minus the new one in Atlanta and the soon-to-be Athletics stadium in Las Vegas) and have completed many of the experiences listed in the book. Below are things we’ve yet to experience.
Movies & Baseball Entertainment
Movies To Watch (Not Yet Completed):
The Pride of the Yankees
Bang the Drum Slowly
Eight Men Out
61
The Bad News Bears
The Jackie Robinson Story
The Stratton Story
Fear Strikes Out
Cobb
The Babe
Mr. 3000
The Winning Team
The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings
Sugar
Talent for the Game
The Final Season
Trouble with the Curve
Million Dollar Arm
The Perfect Game
Hardball
A Player to Be Named Later
The Bronx Is Burning (TV)
The Brothers K (book)
Pastime
Rhubarb
The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg
Major League Ballparks & Teams Still To Visit
MLB Teams/Parks Not Yet Visited:
See a game in Canada on Canada Day
See the Athletics at their new ballpark (future)
Attend a game on the 4th of July
See a game on Memorial Day
See the Giants–Dodgers rivalry game
Attend a Saturday FOX Game of the Week
Attend ESPN Sunday Night Baseball
Attend MLB Opening Night (not Opening Day)
Attend a franchise “turn back the clock” night
See a game at the oldest MiLB park (other than Rickwood)
See a rooftop game across from Wrigley
Take a Wrigleyville tour
Attend a makeup doubleheader
Attend Korean Heritage Night
Attend a Mexican League game
Attend a Caribbean winter league game
Attend a minor league playoff game
Attend a stadium’s final game before it closes
Attend a stadium’s inaugural game
Minor League & Independent Baseball (Still To Do)
Visit a collegiate summer league game
Attend a Cape Cod League game
Attend a spring training game in Florida
Attend a spring training game in Arizona
Watch an Arizona Fall League game
Attend a minor league game in a historic stadium
Attend a minor league game in a very small town
See a minor league no-hitter
Attend a minor league Irish Heritage event
Attend a minor league game with bizarre food
Attend a minor league “princess & superheroes” night
Attend a minor league “Christmas in July” night
Attend a minor league “Turn Back the Clock” night
Attend a minor league record-breaking crowd night
Attend a minor league “Peanut-Free Night”
Attend a minor league natural disaster community night
Attend a minor league super-fan event
Baseball History, Culture & Memorabilia (Still To Do)
Museums, History Stops & Experiences: Visit the Ty Cobb Museum Visit the Shoeless Joe Jackson Museum Visit the Babe Ruth Birthplace Museum Visit the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League Museum Visit Ballpark Districts nationwide
Memorabilia / Collecting Items Left: Own a vintage baseball uniform Own a game-used bat Own a rare baseball book Own a World Series program Own a Negro Leagues artifact Own a ticket stub collection Own a vintage baseball pennant collection Own a replica historic jersey Own a vintage scorecard Own a baseball stamp collection
Closing Thoughts
Working through this list has been one of the most fun ways to enjoy baseball more deeply. I’ve completed 68 items—but the remaining 94 offer a lifetime’s worth of games, history, films, stadiums, and experiences still to come.
If you love baseball, I highly recommend grabbing a copy of the book and starting your own journey.
I’m a naturally open and direct person. I value honesty, clarity, and quickly getting to the heart of things. But I’ve learned that not everyone interacts that way—and that my directness can sometimes feel overwhelming or abrupt to people who are wired differently. God has been teaching me to slow down, listen first, and adjust my level of openness based on the relationship and the moment. I don’t always get it right, but I want to reflect, grow, and continue learning. Love doesn’t just speak truth—it also considers timing, tone, and the other person’s heart. As I grow, I’m learning how to communicate in a way that is still genuine, gentle, wise, and life-giving.
God calls us to be people of truth (Ephesians 4:25) and also people of wisdom and discernment (Proverbs 17:27–28; Colossians 4:6). For those who value honesty (which I hope is all of us!), the challenge is not whether to be open but how open to be in each relationship. Not everyone has the same maturity, capacity, or trustworthiness. Learning wise openness protects our hearts while honoring others.
Different Circles, Different Levels of Openness
Even Jesus modeled different levels of disclosure:
The crowds — general truths (Matthew 13:34).
The disciples — deeper teaching and correction (John 16:12).
Peter, James, and John — His most vulnerable moments (Matthew 26:37–38).
OUTER CIRCLE Acquaintances, New People, and Reactive Personalities
Be kind, light, and measured
Proverbs 13:20 reminds us that we are shaped by the company we keep. Deeper access should be earned by character and consistency, not by default.
A Simple Filter Before You Speak
Before sharing something sensitive or direct, ask:
Is it true? (Ephesians 4:25) Is it loving? (Ephesians 4:15) AND, is it wise for this person in this moment? (Proverbs 25:11)
Many relational conflicts happen not because we were wrong but because our honesty was mistimed or mismatched to the person’s capacity or poor discernment on our part—perhaps both (Proverbs 18:2).
How to Engage the Outer Circle
When talking with those who haven’t “earned” deeper access, use this reminder:
“Kind, light, and measured.”
Kind: gentle tone (Proverbs 15:1)
Light: avoid sensitive or deeply personal topics
Measured: listen more, share less (James 1:19)
This protects your heart without closing your heart.
Boundaries Are Biblical, Not Selfish
Even Jesus set limits (Luke 5:16; John 2:24). Saying less is often wisdom, not withdrawal. You can still love people well without giving them full access to your inner life. (Welch, Boundaries…)
In Summary
Be fully honest, but selectively vulnerable
Aim to be gracious in speech and discerning in disclosure
Depth increases with trust, time, and proven character
Wise openness reflects both the truth of Christ and the wisdom of Christ. When we practice conversation discernment, we protect our hearts, honor others, and strengthen our relationships.
Bibliography:
Cloud, Henry, and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992.
Welch, Ed. “Boundaries in Relationships.” Journal of Biblical Counseling 22, no. 3 (2004): 4–13.
Newheiser, Jim. Do I Need Boundaries? Seeking to Please God by Learning to Say No. Charlotte: Reformed Theological Seminary Press, 2023.
“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.”
Acts 2:42 (ESV)
The early church had a simple rhythm that shaped everything they did. They were devoted — not casual, not occasional, but steadfastly committed — to learning the Word of God together. Their devotion to “the apostles’ teaching” was not just an intellectual exercise but a relational and transformational practice that built a gospel-shaped community.
In today’s busy world, our Community Groups have the same opportunity. We gather to study the Bible and live it out together. The goal is not routine, but a rhythm that keeps God’s Word at the center of our shared life.
Why Acts 2:42 Matters for Us
Acts 2:42 captures the heartbeat of a church alive with spiritual devotion. Each element — the apostles’ teaching, fellowship, breaking of bread, and prayer — points to a holistic picture of discipleship – of being and making disciples.
Devoted reminds us that growth requires intentionality.
The apostles’ teaching roots us in the truth of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, now preserved in Scripture.
Fellowship ensures our study is relational, not isolated.
Breaking bread and prayers show that study naturally leads to worship and dependence on God.
When a group devotes itself to Scripture this way, study becomes a shared journey rather than a weekly appointment.
The Biblical Foundation
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching…” — Acts 2:42
Check out these verses on studying God’s Word and think through why each is done better in the context of community:
2 Timothy 3:16–17 — God’s Word equips believers for every good work.
Colossians 3:16 — “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another…”
Psalm 1:1–3 — The one who delights in God’s Word flourishes like a tree by streams of water.
James 1:22 — Be doers of the Word, not hearers only.
Hebrews 10:24–25 — Stir up one another to love and good works.
Together, these verses remind us that Bible study in community is for transformation, not just information.
Five Biblical Guidelines for a Healthy Rhythm
Be Devoted (Acts 2:42) – Make Scripture central in your gatherings.
Be Dependent (Psalm 119:18) – Pray for God to open eyes and hearts.
Be Doers (James 1:22) – Move from study to obedience.
Be Sharers (Colossians 3:16) – Invite everyone’s voice; let the Word dwell richly among you.
Be Connected (Hebrews 10:24) – Let study build relationships and mutual encouragement.
These guidelines keep groups focused on spiritual formation rather than academic discussion alone.
Training Guide: Leading Groups in Scripture Engagement
Below is a simple framework for helping leaders create and sustain a rhythm of healthy Bible study in their Community Groups.
1. Align with the Word
Keep the Bible at the center of every gathering.
Encourage groups to connect the discussion to the sermon passage each week.
Ask questions like:
What stood out to you from Sunday’s message?
How does this passage challenge or encourage you?
What’s one way we can live this out as a group?
Tip: Let the sermon text serve as both an anchor and a launching point for group and personal study throughout the week.
2. Use a Simple, Repeatable Method
Choose a study approach that invites participation and keeps the focus on application.
SOAP (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer): Read, notice, apply, and pray.
Discovery Bible Study (DBS): What does this teach about God? What does it teach about people? How will we obey this passage?
Weekly Sermon Discussion Questions (Bridgeway C Group Leaders): I provide a weekly sermon discussion template at Bridgeway Church, which can be found in the email update. Feel free to use this guide as needed or each week as you gather in your Community Group.
Keep your structure consistent enough to be familiar, but flexible enough to stay fresh.
3. Encourage Participation
Rotate who reads or summarizes the passage.
Ask open-ended questions instead of leading ones.
Affirm thoughtful responses and make space for silence and reflection.
Draw out quieter members gently by asking, “What stands out to you about that verse?” Or, “We’ve heard from several members already. What about those who have not shared? What are your thoughts?”
When everyone contributes, the group “lets the Word of Christ dwell richly among them” (Col. 3:16).
4. Keep Study Relational
Scripture engagement is most potent when it’s shared in genuine fellowship.
Open each meeting with a life update or answered prayer connected to last week’s text.
End by praying Scripture over one another.
Occasionally, plan a Scripture & Story night — a time for members to share how God’s Word is shaping them.
The goal is for the study to feel like a shared meal, not a classroom lecture.
5. Move from Study to Action
A Bible study that stops at discussion misses the point. Help your group move from learning to living.
Ask:
“What will this look like if we live it out this week?”
“Who can we encourage or serve because of this passage?”
“How might this connect to Bridgeway’s sermon or next Sunday’s text?”
Close with a personal challenge:
“This week, reread this passage and write one observation, application, and prayer.”
This connects group learning → personal devotion → mission.
6. Guard Against Routine
Routine kills engagement; rhythm sustains it. Keep the focus alive by:
Multiplying groups signifies health and growth, but can also bring challenges. As leaders, we want to shepherd our people with care so that relationships remain strong and God is glorified. Here are 10 relational dangers to watch out for and Scripture to guide you as you lead through them.
1. Not Communicating with the Sending Group
Danger: Launching without clear communication can cause surprise, mistrust, and hurt feelings.
Leader’s Role: Keep the group informed early, invite questions, and celebrate openly.
Scripture:“And the LORD answered me: ‘Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.’” (Habakkuk 2:2)
2. Lacking a Culture of Multiplication
Danger: People may resist or feel threatened if multiplication feels forced or unfamiliar.
Leader’s Role: Teach regularly that multiplication is part of discipleship and mission. Celebrate growth. Remember how your group was sent or started. Thank the Lord for this and ask Him to make your group ready to multiply.
Scripture:“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt. 28:19)
3. Feelings of Rejection or Abandonment
Danger: Some may feel they’re losing friendships or being “split up.”
Leader’s Role: Affirm ongoing friendships while helping them see new groups as new families. Openly within the group setting, speak to those who feel rejected with care and clear biblical principles highlighting godly growth. Follow up with them in private.
Scripture:“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)
4. Unequal Value Placed on Leaders
Danger: Sending one leader out and keeping another may feel like favoritism.
Leader’s Role: Publicly honor both, pray over them, and affirm their equal callings. Clearly celebrate the giftings of each and ask the Lord to send co-laborers into the harvest.
Scripture:“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” (1 Pet. 4:10)
5. Unmet Expectations About Who Goes Where
Danger: Hurt can come if close friends or family members don’t land in the same group.
Leader’s Role: Be clear about how groups are formed (geography, balance, gifting). Acknowledge disappointment with compassion. Give people ample time to process and pray about where they need to be.
Scripture:“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Phil. 2:3)
6. Overattachment to the “Original” Group
Danger: People may view the sending group as the “real family” and treat new groups as less valuable.
Leader’s Role: Celebrate the history of the original group, then cast vision for the new group’s unique identity. Take time to biblically describe “real family” and the Lord’s mission for His church. Spend time reading Acts 13 together and studying the aspects of sending.
Scripture:“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isa. 43:18–19)
7. Fear of Losing Depth of Relationship
Danger: Members may worry that intimacy will be lost.
Leader’s Role: Encourage continued friendships while embracing the opportunity to build new ones. Occasionally, keep in touch with members of the former group and promote joint group gatherings on holidays and special events.
Scripture:“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov. 17:17)
8. Resistance from Leaders or Members
Danger: If multiplication feels imposed, it may create resentment.
Leader’s Role: Include the group in prayer and decision-making. Share testimonies of multiplication.
Scripture:“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.” (Heb. 13:17)
9. Unresolved Conflict Before Multiplication
Danger: Unhealthy patterns or conflicts may spread into the new group.
Leader’s Role: Address and resolve relational issues before launch. Encourage forgiveness. Set up clear biblical expectations for members to work toward resolving hurts/issues.
Scripture:“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Rom. 12:18)
10. Leader Burnout or Isolation
Danger: New leaders may feel overwhelmed and unsupported.
Leader’s Role: Provide coaching, regular check-ins, and a leader community so no one feels alone. Promote healthy group dynamics and raise co-leaders and apprentices to help with the leadership load.
Scripture:“Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” (Eccl. 4:9–10)
At the end of the day, multiplication is not optional—it is part of God’s design for His church to grow and for disciples to be made (2 Tim. 2:2). That means raising up and discipling new leaders must remain at the heart of every community group. Yet we must also recognize that not everyone will embrace change simultaneously. Some members will be “late adopters,” needing extra encouragement and patience, while others may resist altogether and even choose to leave the group or the church. As leaders, we cannot let fear of hurt feelings prevent us from faithfully multiplying; instead, we must shepherd tenderly, communicate clearly, and entrust the results to the Lord, knowing that multiplication always comes with joy and challenge.
7 Min Read Time. Photo by Travis Saylor on Pexels.com
I’ve been thinking about these dangers and adding to this list for the past week. As I think through most of these, I must say, “Been there, done that!” Experience can be the best teacher! As you think and pray through these, ask yourself, “Am I at this point? If so, what conversation with the Lord do I need to have to work toward health? How can I utilize scripture, prayer, brothers and sisters in the body, and other tools to help me?”
My goal is not to promote discouragement but to help leaders pray and think toward biblical health and growth as disciples (or groups) and see the local church benefit from robust communities of faith.
1. Lack of Leadership
Why is this a danger? Without clear leadership, groups drift. No one sets direction, shepherds the people, or helps maintain unity. “Like sheep without a shepherd” (Mark 6:34)
How do we get to this point? Leaders burn out, fail to delegate, or are never clearly identified in the first place.
Prevention: Raise, train, and affirm leaders (2 Tim. 2:2). Rotate responsibilities, share the load, and ensure no group depends on one person.
Path to Health: If leadership is absent, appoint a temporary shepherd, invite elder/pastoral oversight, and retrain or install a new leader. God equips leaders through His Word and Spirit (Eph. 4:11–12)
2. Lack of Intentionality
Why is this a danger? Groups become casual hangouts without fostering growth in Christ. “Make the best use of the time” (Eph. 5:16)
How do we get to this point? We get here when meeting becomes routine or fellowship overshadows discipleship.
Prevention: Plan meetings with Scripture, prayer, and mission in view. Build in rhythms of fun, study, and service.
Path to Health: Refocus on the group’s purpose—remind members of discipleship goals, restart with a simple Bible study. “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable…” (2 Tim. 3:16–17)
3. No Vision
Why is this a danger? Without vision, groups lose purpose, decline in commitment, and eventually dissolve. “Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint” (Prov. 29:18)
How do we get to this point? Leaders never clarify the “why” or assume everyone understands.
Prevention: Communicate a shared vision: grow in Christ, live in community, and be on mission together.
Path to Health: Recast vision. Reopen Scripture to define the group’s mission. Write it down and review it regularly. “Write the vision; make it plain” (Hab. 2:2)
4. Loss of Communication and Vision
Why is this a danger? People disconnect, rumors spread, and unity breaks down. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths” (Eph. 4:29)
How do we get to this point? Leaders stop updating, conflicts aren’t addressed, or people are assumed to be “in the loop.”
Prevention: Use multiple channels of communication (texts, group chats, weekly check-ins). Review vision regularly.
Path to Health: Schedule a group reset night—confess failures in communication, clarify expectations, and reset rhythms. “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way” (Eph. 4:15)
5. Too Large
Why is this a danger? Groups lose intimacy, accountability, and participation. Due to the large size, only one home usually accommodates the people, leaving the hosting to one family. These groups are often led by gifted teachers or have a particular affinity that is popular within the church. Since large groups create several issues, they tend to meet less frequently and do not provide the needed sense of community. Moses nearly burned out trying to lead too many (Exod. 18:18)
How do we get to this point? There is no multiplication plan. Everyone keeps inviting without discernment. When the group does start to discuss multiplying, many are upset because they feel like something is being taken from them rather than them fulfilling the Great Commission. This issue is closely tied to “no intentionality/vision.”
Prevention: Set healthy group size guidelines (8–16). Prepare to multiply before growth creates a strain. Talk about training and sending often. Pray for areas with few or no group representation.
Path to Health: Train new leaders and multiply the group into two or more smaller ones. Jesus invested deeply in twelve (Mark 3:14)
6. Too Small
Why is this a danger? Lack of diversity, energy, or accountability. Can feel stagnant. “Two are better than one… a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Eccl. 4:9–12)
How do we get to this point? People move away, conflict drives people out, and no one is inviting. Groups can stay here by shying away from leadership, vision, and intentionality.
Prevention: Encourage members to invite others. Stay outward-focused and mission-minded. Invite people to your group. Attend all the newcomers’ and new members’ events. Train the 2 or 3 who faithfully attend your group to be warm, inviting, and eager to share their small group testimony.
Path to Health: Pray for growth, intentionally invite, and consider merging with another group if needed. The Lord “added to their number day by day” (Acts 2:47)
7. Too Many Kids
Why is this a danger? Chaos can derail focus; adults may disengage if no structure is in place. “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40)
How do we get to this point? There is no childcare plan, and the kids have few boundaries. The group is less intentional about inviting singles and older married couples.
Prevention: Plan for age-appropriate engagement, rotate childcare volunteers, or meaningfully include kids in worship and prayer. If there are too many kids in your group, the chances are high that there are too many adults, too. It’s time to multiply!
Path to Health: Pause, evaluate, and restructure so both kids and adults benefit. Multiply if needed. “Let the little children come to me” (Mark 10:14)
8. Unchecked Sin
Why is this a danger? Sin tolerated in a group spreads, hardens hearts, and dishonors Christ. Sin drives away members and can create further issues. “A little leaven leavens the whole lump” (1 Cor. 5:6)
How do we get to this point? Fear of confrontation, desire to “keep peace,” or lack of discipleship.
Prevention: Teach biblical accountability and mutual confession (James 5:16).
Path to Health: Lovingly confront sin, call to repentance, and restore gently. “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him” (Gal. 6:1)
9. A Leader Who Falls
Why is this a danger? A fallen leader can shake trust, scatter people, and harm the gospel witness. “Let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Cor. 10:12)
How do we get to this point? Leaders are isolated, overburdened, or lack accountability. Often, when a leader falls, the group multiplies, but instead of calling it multiplication, I call it a splant (split—plant). Some side with the fallen leader and go elsewhere; those remaining are left to rebuild the group.
Prevention: Build structures of accountability, plurality of leadership, and pastoral care.
Path to Health: If a leader falls, grieve, pursue restoration where possible, and place new leadership in humility.
10. No Plan to Disciple Others
Why is this a danger? Groups become self-focused instead of multiplying disciple-makers. “Go and make disciples of all nations” (Matt. 28:19)
How do we get to this point? No training in disciple-making, or inward comfort over outward mission. This danger is often tied to “no leadership/intentionality/vision.”
Prevention: Teach every member to invest in others (Matt. 28:18–20; 2 Tim. 2:2). Learn to use D-Groups within your Community Group to build a structure toward discipleship. Read and study the Bible with a disciple-maker mindset. Check out resources like The Navigators, Becoming a Disciple Maker, or Small Circle. (I’ve also written several resources that help in this area on this blog and through Amazon.)
Path to Health: Start small: encourage each member to begin discipling one person outside the group. Lead with discipleship (making) in mind. “What you have heard from me… entrust to faithful men” (2 Tim. 2:2)
I’m a little surprised that I’ve never received one—not that I want one—no one does. When I served a small church in my 30s, and someone asked me if I’d ever received an anonymous letter or email; I said, “Nope. The ones that have an issue with me usually just tell me!”
I had a pastor friend give me some advice early on in ministry. He said that if I ever received one, just throw it away. If they couldn’t bring themselves to sign it, they probably didn’t mean it! Another one said, “I told our church that I’d let them know if I received one and they could come forward privately to claim it. If no one did, I’d post it on the bulletin board for all to see.” Bold!
Receiving an anonymous letter can be disheartening, especially for a younger leader navigating early ministry challenges. These letters often stem from unmet expectations, personal hurts, or misguided attempts at “correction.” While it’s tempting to dwell on them, the key is to respond with wisdom, grace, and a focus on your calling.
Screen grab from Google Images: Instagram; @adamaweber
Why Anonymous Letters Are Not Okay
Anonymous letters undermine healthy communication and community in several ways:
They Promote Cowardice and Avoid Accountability: By hiding the sender’s identity, these letters prevent open dialogue, clarification, or reconciliation. This reflects a lack of courage and maturity, as the writer avoids potential consequences or follow-up.
They Can Foster Division and Gossip: Without a named source, rumors can spread unchecked, creating toxicity in the church. This distracts from unity and ministry, turning minor issues into major disruptions.
They Hinder Personal Growth and Resolution: Legitimate concerns deserve context and discussion. Anonymity assumes the recipient knows the whole story, often leading to misunderstandings or unaddressed pain.
They May Be Legally or Ethically Risky: If the letter contains serious allegations (e.g., misconduct involving minors), ignoring it entirely could expose you or the church to negligence claims, as courts have ruled that verifiable accusations warrant investigation, even if anonymous. However, frivolous or vague complaints don’t carry the same weight.
These letters rarely strengthen the body of Christ; instead, they tear it down, often reflecting the sender’s unresolved issues rather than constructive feedback. We should ask ourselves, “I’m going through a lot of trouble trying to hide my identity from this person. Why? Is what I’m saying inappropriate? Am I ashamed of what I’m writing?”
Biblical Principles to Follow
The Bible provides clear guidance on conflict, communication, and leadership, emphasizing directness, love, and unity over anonymity. Key principles include:
Direct Confrontation for Reconciliation: Matthew 18:15-17 instructs that if someone sins against you, go to them privately first, involve witnesses if needed, and escalate to the church only as a last resort. Anonymity eliminates this process, preventing restoration and treating the offender (or offended) as an enemy rather than a brother or sister in Christ.
Speaking the Truth in Love: Ephesians 4:15 calls believers to address issues openly and lovingly to promote maturity in the body. Anonymous letters lack love and don’t allow for gentle restoration (Galatians 6:1) or mutual understanding.
Protecting Unity and Avoiding Division: Ephesians 4:3-6 urges eagerness to maintain the bond of peace. Anonymous complaints can sow discord, which Titus 3:10 warns against by advising to reject divisive people after warnings.
Handling Accusations Against Leaders: 1 Timothy 5:19 states that charges against an elder should not be entertained without two or three witnesses. Anonymity fails this standard, as there’s no verifiable source or corroboration.
Prayer and Gentleness in Response: James 1:5 encourages seeking wisdom from God, and praying for both your heart and the sender aligns with Jesus’ command to pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). This guards against bitterness and focuses on God’s sovereignty. These principles highlight that God’s design for the church is relational and accountable, not hidden or accusatory.
The Best Way to Move Forward After Receiving One
Handling an anonymous letter requires a balanced approach: don’t ignore potential truth, but don’t let it derail your ministry.
Pray Immediately: Start by seeking God’s wisdom and peace. Pray for your heart to avoid discouragement or defensiveness, and intercede for the sender, recognizing their possible pain or immaturity. This shifts focus from hurt to humility (Philippians 4:6-7).
Evaluate Briefly but Wisely: Read it once to discern if there’s any kernel of truth or a serious allegation (e.g., legal or safety concerns). If it’s vague criticism, apply the “toss-it principle”—discard it quickly to avoid dwelling. For serious claims, investigate discreetly (e.g., check facts or consult legal counsel) to protect the vulnerable, as moral and legal duty may require action.
Seek Counsel from Trusted Leaders: Share it with a small group of mature elders or mentors for perspective. This provides accountability and helps unify leadership. Avoid going solo, as Proverbs 11:14 notes safety in many counselors.
Address It Appropriately (If Needed): If the letter has spread or caused division, respond publicly in a non-worship setting (e.g., a leader’s meeting). Direct people to Scripture on conflict resolution, and establish a church policy: “We don’t accept anonymous complaints; come directly as Matthew 18 instructs.” This discourages future ones without giving the letter undue attention.
Move On with Faithfulness: Refocus on your core calling—preaching, discipling, and shepherding (1 Corinthians 4:1-2). Healthy leaders don’t linger; they trust God with outcomes. Surround yourself with encouragers, journal lessons learned, and remember that criticism often says more about the critic than you.
What if you have sent an anonymous letter sometime in the past? I’d encourage you with Scripture’s call to humility and restoration. Acknowledge courage in reflecting on your actions, as this shows the Holy Spirit’s work in your heart (Psalm 51:10-12). God’s grace covers all sin when we repent (1 John 1:9). Take a step of faith by approaching the person directly, as Matthew 18:15 urges, to seek forgiveness and rebuild trust. This open act honors God’s community design and allows healing for both parties.
Honesty and love should guide communication (Ephesians 4:15, 32). Sending an anonymous letter may have come from hurt or fear, but God calls us to speak truth with gentleness, fostering unity rather than division (Colossians 3:12-14). Pray for the person you wrote to, asking God to heal any wounds caused (Matthew 5:44), and to rest in the assurance that God’s mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). You can model grace by engaging others with courage and compassion.
The way we ask for meetings matters to you and those you meet. Making a few adjustments in how you ask for a meeting or ask for clarification can help maintain respect and earn trust.
We’ve all sent that vague text, “Hey, can we meet?” Sometimes those on the receiving end can have a panic attack, question their life choices, or turn into a mental investigator when all you had to do was clarify! I have been thinking through this topic over the past year and hope some of the things I have learned are helpful! Here are a few ideas to think through before you send that text:
“Can we meet?”
The Anxiety Factor
Many people assume the worst when a leader or church member says, “Can we meet?” without context — they might think they’re in trouble. Isn’t it funny how the “I think I’m in trouble” feeling doesn’t go away when you’re an adult??
Surprise or vague meeting requests can trigger defensiveness or distrust before the meeting even happens. It’s not fair to anyone to enter a meeting feeling defensive OR be on the opposite side of someone who feels that way.
Clarifying the topic ahead of time gives them space to prepare emotionally and mentally. It also gives the other person time to ask follow-up questions so they can be prepared.
The Stewardship of Time
Pastors and members are busy; telling them the topic of the meeting allows them to prepare and ensures the meeting is productive. Maybe the other person is not interested in talking about that topic. This will enable them to tell you why they don’t want to meet.
It communicates respect for the other person’s schedule and priorities.
Biblical Principles
Matthew 7:12 – “Do unto others…” applies to meetings; how would you want to be approached?
Ephesians 4:15 – “Speaking the truth in love” often requires intentional preparation, not surprise confrontation.
Proverbs 15:23 – “A word in season” — a timely and well-prepared conversation is more fruitful.
We have all abused these with vague meeting invitations, possibly ambushing someone, and causing them a sleepless night. I’m trying to do better on both ends – the sender and receiver.
Reducing Power Imbalance
In church leadership, a vague meeting request can feel like a summons—like positioning yourself behind a big desk or asking someone to drive 40 minutes to your location when you could easily meet in the middle.
Giving context levels the field and encourages openness rather than suspicion.
Practical Guidance for Leaders
Example: Instead of “Can you meet this week?” Try, “Can we meet to discuss your interest in leading a small group?”
If the topic is sensitive, still give a hint: “I’d like to talk through a pastoral concern I’ve noticed.”
For especially difficult conversations, you might still want to prepare them without dumping everything over text/email — just enough so they know the direction. I’m fairly blunt, so I ask myself, “What type of relationship do I have with this person, and how forward/blunt is appropriate?” Sometimes I swing and miss!
Training Members/Others to Do the Same
Members should also give leaders a heads-up when they request a meeting — it’s not just a leadership courtesy. I find myself saying this about once a month, “I’d love to meet! Can you give me an idea of what we will discuss so I’ll know how to pray in the meantime?” This gives me the topic and allows me to be specific with the Lord in prayer.
Don’t be afraid of saying NO. As a new believer, I watched a pastor get beaten up week in and week out after church by the same lady. She’d say, “Can I have a minute?” then roast him for 10-15 minutes. In certain situations I quickly learned it’s better to say, “No, I don’t have a minute. Can you send me a text/email with what you’d like to discuss? I’d love to get that scheduled this week.” I did that a time or two with a someone who was starting to develop a pattern of negative/antagonistic conversations, and guess what? The person didn’t need to meet with me anymore!
Result of Better Meeting Requests
More trust between leaders and members.
More productive conversations.
Less time wasted on guesswork and emotional pre-processing.
The 4C Framework for Requesting a Meeting
1. Clarify the Purpose
Give a brief, honest summary of the topic: Instead of: “Can we meet?” Say: “Can we meet to discuss the upcoming worship schedule?”
2. Choose the Right Time
Ensure it’s not dropped on them at a high-stress moment (e.g., right before Sunday service starts). Before I walked up to preach once, a friend told me he had an issue with me, but it could wait until after the service. I told him he could tell me then, or he would be preaching! He got my point and shared his issue immediately.
If it’s sensitive, give them enough notice to process before the meeting.
3. Communicate the Tone
Set expectations so they don’t brace for bad news. Example: “Nothing urgent or negative — I’d like to brainstorm with you.” Or: “It’s a pastoral concern, but my heart is to listen and encourage.”
4. Confirm the Logistics
Offer two or three options for time and place.
If it might be long or emotionally heavy, let them know in advance so they can block enough time.
The goal is to replace vague, anxiety-inducing meeting requests with respectful, clear, and trust-building invitations.
Boy, has it taken me a while to get better at these! Have you experienced anxiety upon receiving a vague text requesting a meeting? Have you sent these texts? What are some other tips you have? Leave a comment and help continue the conversation!
4 Minute Read: Photo by Enes Erdemli on Pexels.com
Al Mohler, President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, often references a vivid phrase from political history: “Riding the tiger.” The idea is simple but sobering—when a leader gains power through control or fear, they may appear strong, but they’re actually in danger. They’re riding a wild beast that cannot be tamed. And once on, they can’t easily get off. The only way down is usually through death, disgrace, or destruction.
It’s an image often used to describe dictators, but it also serves as a powerful warning to Christian leaders.
Some pastors and ministry leaders, whether knowingly or not, begin to lead like they’re riding the tiger. They grip control tightly, build systems that depend on them, and silence or sideline others who could share the load. Instead of empowering leaders, they stifle them. Instead of helping people grow, they hurt them through fear, pride, or insecurity. Eventually, the very power they depend on turns on them—or worse, on the people they lead.
This isn’t just a leadership flaw—it’s a spiritual danger.
Jesus Didn’t Ride the Tiger
Jesus modeled something radically different. He said, “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve” (Matt. 20:28). He washed feet. He raised others up. He handed off responsibility. Jesus led by laying down His life, not by clinging to control. He didn’t hoard power—He multiplied it through others.
If you’re leading in any capacity—pastor, elder, community group leader, disciple-maker—this is a gracious warning and a hopeful reminder: Don’t ride the tiger. Raise up others instead.
Here are three biblical principles that can help Christian leaders lead in a healthy, Christlike way:
1. Shepherd the Flock, Rather Than Control It
“Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.” —1 Peter 5:2–3
The church is not your platform. It’s not your empire. It’s God’s flock. Leaders are called to care, guide, protect, and nurture—not dominate. A shepherd feeds and leads. He doesn’t force or fear. The call is to serve with open hands and a humble heart.
2. Equip the Saints, Don’t Compete with Them
“And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ…” —Ephesians 4:11–12
If ministry always centers around you, something’s off. Healthy leadership multiplies ministry. Your job isn’t to do all the work—it’s to train others to do the work. You may be the most gifted person in the room. Praise God for the way He gifted you. Now teach someone else what you know. Don’t ride the tiger of insecurity or ego. Equip the next generation.
3. Love, Don’t Lord Over
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant…” —Matthew 20:25–26
Jesus gave a crystal-clear warning: Don’t lead like the world. Worldly leadership is about power. Kingdom leadership is about service. You may get more applause as a domineering leader, but you won’t get more rewards. God honors leaders who love deeply and lead humbly.
The Contrast: Riding the Tiger vs. Walking Like Jesus
Riding the Tiger
Walking Like Jesus
Leads by fear and control
Leads by love and service
Fears being replaced
Rejoices in multiplying others
Holds tight to power
Willingly lays it down
Sees others as threats
Sees others as partners
Ends in collapse
Ends in legacy
Final Word
The truth is, when leaders ride the tiger, everyone gets mauled—leaders, followers, churches, families. But when leaders walk like Jesus, people flourish. Leaders grow. Churches thrive. The Gospel spreads.
So let me ask: Are you riding the tiger? If so, dismount while you still can—not by force, but through repentance, humility, and surrender. Lay down your need for control, and pick up the towel of a servant.
Jesus never called you to tame a beast. He called you to make disciples.
We woke at the Marthasville, MO, community park club, packed our gear, and headed toward St. Charles. Day five included a 38-mile final stretch that went by quickly! We left Marthasville around 7:15 am and arrived in St. Charles by 11:15 am.
The scenery included more farmland, and as the trail grew closer to the city, it turned into woods, then suburban outskirts.
The limestone gravel was extremely packed on this side of the trail, and we were making excellent time! I’m guessing we averaged 13-14 mph. We stopped at a train station and chatted with some e-bikers a couple of times. The third time we saw them, they said, “You guys are going surprisingly fast to have all that gear!” We had the motivation to get to the end!!
St. Charles at last! The Bike Stop Cafe is in the background. We began the trip with a shuttle from here!
Statue of Lewis and Clark off the trail next to the Bike Stop Cafe.
We completed the MKT-Katy Trail, which was 237 miles (257 for us!). I’m posting each of these one week after the ride. My legs are just now feeling normal! This was a ride of a lifetime! After riding it with a regular bike, I think it would be fun to do so on an e-bike and stay the nights at hotels or Airbnb’s.
We had a fun time and met many great people on the trail. If you ever have the desire to do anything like this, make a plan and get started. We lived in Kansas City, MO, for almost 10 years. Each time we drove under the MKT bridge on I-70, I would tell Christy, “One day I’m going to ride that whole trail!” As Eddie and I rode over I-70 on that bridge, I remember thinking, “I’m doing it! Enjoy the moment!!” Over 15 years later, I finally did it!
Psalm 118:24 (ESV)
“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Toby DeHay 