Boundaries, at their best, are a biblical tool for managing our hearts, relationships, and responsibilities. They help define where we end and others begin. As Henry Cloud writes in his book Boundaries, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.”
Scripture affirms the value of wise limits:
- Proverbs 4:23 – “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
- Galatians 6:5 – “For each will have to bear his own load.”
These verses highlight personal responsibility and self-governance under Christ’s Lordship. Boundaries are not only wise—they’re necessary. But what happens when they become the very thing that keeps us from the life Jesus calls us to live? What happens when boundaries become unbiblical?
What Are Some Ways Boundaries Help Us Be Faithful—As Well As Help Us Hide?
Healthy boundaries can protect our calling. They help us say “no” to lesser things so we can say “yes” to God’s best. They preserve time for rest, worship, and obedience. For example:
- Declining toxic relationships that consistently pull us away from the Lord.
- Setting aside Sabbath time for rest and communion with God.
- Saying “no” to overcommitment so we can stay available for what really matters.
However, boundaries can also become a spiritual disguise for avoidance. Instead of creating space to love and serve well, they can become shields that hide fear, pride, or laziness.
Examples:
- Avoiding community because “you need margin,” when in reality, it’s self-protection.
- Ignoring a need because it inconveniences your routine.
- Using boundaries to reject people or responsibilities that require real sacrifice.
Jesus didn’t live boundary-less, but He didn’t live self-protectively either. He withdrew to pray, but He also had compassion on the crowds (Mark 6:34). Our boundaries should reflect that same Spirit-led rhythm.
My Life Revolves Around My Boundaries Rather Than Them Helping Me Behave
Boundaries are meant to serve us, not rule us. When our lives revolve around our boundaries, we may no longer be stewarding them—they may be controlling us.
Paul warns against this subtle slavery:
- Galatians 5:1 – “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (Freedom in Christ keeps us from legalism of all sorts.)
- Romans 12:1 – “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
Boundaries should support a surrendered life, not obstruct it. When we treat them as untouchable, we might resist the Spirit’s invitation to flexibility, faith, or sacrifice.
Boundaries Can Become Idol Worship
Idolatry occurs whenever something other than God becomes the functional center of our lives. Even good things—like boundaries—can become ultimate.
- Exodus 20:3 – “You shall have no other gods before me.”
- 1 John 5:21 – “Little children, keep yourselves from idols.”
Do you find your peace more in your routines than in your Redeemer? Do you cling to your personal rules more than God’s call to love?
If your identity is built on having a “balanced life” instead of obedience and surrendering to Christ, you may worship control, not the Lord.
Boundaries Limit Healthy Discipleship and Engagement with Others
Discipleship is inconvenient. It’s messy, relational, sacrificial, and rarely fits neatly into a calendar block.
- 1 Thessalonians 2:8 – “We were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.”
- Matthew 28:19–20 – “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…”
Jesus’s mission demands our availability, not just our structure. Healthy boundaries should create margin so that we can be more, not less, interruptible.
When we hide behind boundaries, we stop offering our lives to others. We opt out of costly love. We choose safety over obedience.
A Biblical Vision of Healthy, Christ-Centered Boundaries
Jesus modeled rhythms of rest and engagement. He withdrew often to pray (Luke 5:16), but He didn’t withhold Himself when people needed compassion or truth.
A Christ-centered boundary says:
- “I want to be faithful with my time so I can serve you well.”
- “I’ll guard my energy not to protect myself, but to give more freely.”
Principles for biblical boundaries:
- They exist to say “yes” to God more clearly, not merely to say “no” to others.
- They are flexible to the Spirit’s leading.
- They are held in humility, not control.
Conclusion
Boundaries are wise and biblical, but they must remain surrendered to Christ. When they become excuses, idols, or walls, we risk cutting ourselves off from the very life Jesus invites us into.
So we must ask: Are our boundaries serving God’s mission—or our comfort? Are they helping us live faithfully—or hide fearfully?
May we live with open hands, healthy rhythms, and hearts fully available to the purposes of Christ.
Toby DeHay 