Disciplemaking and a Forgotten Bible: A Disciple is Not Interested, Now What?

Several years ago, I was visiting my friend in his office and noticed the same Bible had been on an end table in his sitting area. I asked about it, and he said, “I keep that there to remind me some disciples simply don’t make it.” My friend had been meeting with another believer and encouraging him to grow in Christ. One evening, the new believer left without his Bible. Calls and texts went unanswered, and the Bible has become a Bethel of sorts: “Remember this day the disciple that wanted no more discipling and ponder on the lessons you have learned from wayward disciples!” (1 Hesitations 31:13)

While you might not have an ownerless Bible on your end table, you may be left alone at the coffee shop after you’ve blocked off time to meet with this disciple. Honestly, this doesn’t bother me like it did 5 or 10 years ago. I’ve been left hanging enough that I usually bring some extra work or a book. I’ve also learned to create boundaries with this type of disciple. (More on this below.)

So, now what? Do I leave the Bible on the end table and get bitter over the guy who didn’t want to meet with me or learn what I can and keep going? How can I continue to love the “end table guy?”

Continue to Pray for Him Eph 6:18 We are to pray for all the saints. This prayer includes the believer who left his Bible on your table the last time you saw him and won’t return your texts. Make a repeating calendar reminder a few times a month, or place it within your prayer journal or app. Keep praying for him to get hungry for the Lord.

Periodically Connect With Him 1 Tim 1:1-2 Paul instructed and encouraged his disciples. We might not write a doctrine-filled letter/email/text to our uninterested friends. Still, we can occasionally call/text/DM them to let them know we love them. Skip the stereotypical, “I’ve missed our time together” or “I miss seeing you at church/group,” but let them know you pray for them occasionally. Ask how they are doing, and see if you can learn about their family, work, or hobby. Let them know you love them.

Recognize it’s Normal Mark 4:3-9 In Mark 4, Jesus describes four different soil types. The “end table guy” may fall into one of these categories. He may not. It may be that he has overcommitted his life and hasn’t learned how to use boundaries properly. He may have a hectic season at work, the kiddos are having a hard time at school, and his wife has been sick, so he needs to spend more time at home. Grace and understanding are necessary for discipleship. (But it’s also normal when people leave their Bible on the end table, never to be seen again.)

Leave the Door Open 2 Tim 2:2 As disciplemakers, we seek faithful believers who will teach others. These believers are FATR-Faithful, Available, Teachable, and Reproducible. Some people are not, but keep the door open! The Spirit might convict, empower, enable, persuade, or provide some relief at home/work for them to join you again. When I started discipling other men, a mentor told me, “Make sure you have healthy boundaries. Some people will promise to meet with you repeatedly but won’t. After about three consecutive missed meetings, tell them you recognize they are busy right now and ask them to reach out to you when things calm down.” You are protecting your time AND leaving the door open for a possible discipleship relationship sometime in the future.

Keep Sowing/Discipling Acts 13:13-14 Paul and Barnabas kept going after John Mark left them and returned to Jerusalem. After John Mark left, Paul continued to preach in the synagogue (14-43), preached again the next Sabbath (44), and made more disciples for the Lord (52). They kept going! My friend Charles always said, “What you are looking for are hungry fish! Find out where the fish are hungry and feed them!” How do you know where the hungry fish are? Fish everywhere, and you’ll learn. Spending quality time intentionally sharing and pouring into a few hungry believers is life-changing! Being intentional in my prayer to the Lord is vital. Not only does He listen, but He answers!

Surround Yourself with Strong Believers Who Will Encourage You. 2 Tim 4:9-11 If you are like me, you may get discouraged in the faith when you are not walking closely with several other believers. Whether I’m actively discipling others or the Lord has given me some time of respite, I desperately need to be around other believers who know me, love me, challenge me, and encourage me to both operate within my gifts and seek the Lord to desire those I don’t have but want genuinely.